My Lifeline

Bonus Chapter 2

Will's POV
HEALING

River hasn't messaged me once over the weekend. She used to be terrible at texting back, but she's improved these last few months. At least, I thought she did. I thought things had got better...that she had got better.

The endless possibilities and what-ifs run through my mind, causing anxiety and panic to course through my veins and feel as though my head is slowly being crushed.

I grab my car keys and head out to the car that I finally earned enough money to pay for. It's not the best looking car, but it still does the job and takes me to wherever I need to go.

My fingers tap against the worn steering wheel as I wait in traffic, more eager than ever to get to River's house so I can check she's okay. I should have done this before, but I was scared. Scared of pushing her away and being too full on. It's normal for couples to have a break from seeing each other, but it's different with River. I can't take the risk of losing her.

"Come on," I whisper to myself as light turns green before me, allowing me to speed off to her house. I park behind her car and throw off my seatbelt before racing up the path to her front door. Every room I can see through the windows are dark, making it seem as though no one's home.

The possibilities.

"Come on, River." I grab my phone and dial her number when no one answers the door. I knock again and again as the ringing echoes through my ear, draining my soul each time.

With each racing thought and minute that passes, I feel a sickening feeling in my stomach. I need to get inside. I need to know that she's okay.

I reach under the plant pot, but find no spare key. I move and rattle a fake rock that exposes the hiding place. Full of relief, I tip the key into my hand and unlock the door that separates me from River.

My heavy feet carry me all the way upstairs to her dark and gloomy room where she lay still in her bed. Her eyes are closed, but she's breathing. She's okay.

I drop to my knees in front of her and let out a breath of relief. My fingers travel around the skin of her face, feeling her warmth that tingles my clammy hands.

"River," I whisper as I move her newly cut fringe away from her pale face. Her cheeks, like always, are glowing with a rosy tint.

She blinks her eyes open and lands them on me, clearly shocked by my unexpected presence.

I smile, but it looks more concerned than happy.

"What's going on?" I ask her.

River blinks, refusing to speak.

"Please talk to me," I beg helplessly. "Let me know what's going on so I can help you."

"I don't know," she finally whispers, her voice croaky.

"Why haven't you replied to my texts?"

She shrugs her shoulders sadly.

"Are you getting bad thoughts again?"

"No. I'm just...down."

"Has something happened to make you feel like this?"

Her head shakes. "I don't know why I'm feeling like this. It just happens sometimes."

"I know." I lean forward and kiss the top of her head while stroking her brown and blonde strands of hair. "Come on, smiley."

"Hmm?"

"Let's get you in the bath."

"Trying to say I smell?" she jokes, attempting to smile.

"You never smell. Having a bath will help, it'll make you feel refreshed. It always helps me."

River seems unsure of my suggestion for a few seconds, but eventually she reaches out her hand and allows me to help her from the bed. It takes a while, but I sit her up and allow her to rest against my shoulder until she's ready to attempt to stand.

"I'm so tired," she says in barely a whisper.

"I know. It'll be okay. I'm here," I assure her as we take slow steps to the bathroom.

She sits on the floor, staring at the corner of the bathtub and dissociating. I fill the tub and mix bubbles in, trying to make it as relaxing as possible for River.

Together, we take off her clothes and then get her into the tub. She pulls her legs to her chest and slumps into her body while closing her eyes, looking exhausted.

"It's going to take time," I tell her as I pour water over her hair and soothe my hand over it. "Like your therapist said, it's not an easy process. There's going to be times where this will happen; where you'll feel like this. But you have to remember that there's so many people who love you and want to help you. I want to. So please tell me when you're feeling like this."

"I don't want to be a burden."

"You'd never be a burden. I'd give up anything if it meant being here with you."

"You say that, but eventually it will get too much for you-"

I hold her cheeks before she can finish her sentence, staring intensely into her tired, soft eyes. "Don't you ever tell yourself that. That's not true. You're my main priority, you come before anything else. It doesn't matter how hard it gets, we're in this together."

Tears brim her eyes, making them shine under the dim light in the bathroom. She leans forward, allowing me to wrap my arms around her head and hold her close. I can tell she needed this. If I'm being honest, I did, too.

Being with her, having her in my arms, feeling her heart against my chest, hearing her light breaths, they make me feel alive again.

This is all that matters.

We'll be okay, smiley.