My Lifeline

24

River's POV
THE PRESENT

This lunch with Will's friend went a lot more smoothly than the other one did. This time, there was no embarrassing comments made, Will's ex didn't make an unexpected appearance, and I felt a lot more included in the group.

Lola took a 'selfie' with me where she pouted and stuck out her tongue. I couldn't remember the last time I had my photo taken, so I just sat there awkwardly and smiled, confused on what to do with my face or where to put my hands. Isla shared half of her chocolate bar with me. Ryan laughed at almost everything I said and called me 'hilarious'. Beck and Brains both ruffled my hair and kept pranking me, just like they do with the others. And Will's elbow would graze against mine from time to time, almost like he was doing it on purpose. I would glance up and take in his expression; his slight grin and his rosy cheeks. He was blushing. Will Stanley was actually blushing. It was a sight that I will never get used to. At one point, he even held my hand. It was in the spur of the moment when we were laughing so heavily that we didn't even realise our hands had somehow intertwined and wrapped up around the other's.

It wasn't awkward, even after we realised. We just gave each other this weird type of smile before our hands returned to our own laps and nothing more was said about the subject.

That one lunch time managed to make me feel so alive.

I'm on the way to my brother's university where he lives in the dorms. There's an unusual smile on my face as I think back on lunch and remember the things that were said. Usually, when I'm thinking back on a memory, it'll make me sigh or frown. This is one of the first memories where I'm able to smile and laugh.

I park my car outside the university and stare up at it. Sean has been here for two years, but I have never once stepped foot onto campus. He's been busy with his studies and his girlfriend, Krista, and I have been busy doing absolutely nothing. Having bad mental health and being alone with myself has been so exhausting that even the thought of stepping foot out of my house has drained me.

This past month has been different. I know exactly why my mental health is improving and why I'm making more of an effort in life. It's just a shame that I wasn't able to get better by myself. Instead, I had to depend on another person for that.

I worry about what will happen if Will and I stop speaking and go our separate ways. My heart will plummet to the ground and my lungs will squeeze until I can no longer breathe. But it's not fair to put that sort of pressure on someone, so I'll keep this to myself. If Will wants to leave and no longer wants to pursue our friendship, I will force a smile and pretend that all is okay, because it's not fair for Will to feel that he has to be my friend.

Shaking my head and snapping out of thought, I wind up my car windows and step out onto the pavement.

"River!" a familiar voice calls out.

I force a smile at Krista who jogs over to me while she waves.

"Sean's class is running late, so he texted me to come grab you," she explains breathlessly.

Her long blonde hair blows back in the wind, some of it is caught in her red scarf that wraps itself around her neck. Dark pink lipstick coats her lips, false eyelashes flutter every time she blinks.

Krista steps forward and embraces me in a hug that causes my eyes to widen. She's a hugger — something that we do not have in common. In fact, I don't think we have anything in common. She's confident, outgoing, popular, talkative. She's everything that I'm not. Sean and her were in the same friend group at school when they started dating. They were sixteen at time, and four years later they're still going strong. They're completely obsessed with one another, so much that it makes me feel queasy.