𝐇𝐞𝐫 𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐀𝐝𝐝𝐢𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧

FORTY EIGHT

Vivianne

Eventually, Arnae went into labor, and Con, me, and my parents were there to witness the birth of my girlfriend's almost-sibling, my new adopted brother, and my parents most recent child.

A lot...I know.

Arnae moved on with her life, and Constance and I snuck in any moment that we could together until I graduated school. I moved out of my uncle and aunt's, and visit the baby and my parents occasionally, but now I live with Constance in the apartments near her college.

I decided school was something I wanted to wait about a year or so on, to see if that was really the right thing for me. And that's fine- despite what my parents might think of that. I'd rather know what I want out of life versus jumping into higher education because it's just 'what is expected'.

I don't mention me and Con much around my family, but on the other hand I'm much more vocal about things I don't fuck with as far as the fam than I ever could've been when I was in high school and living at home. I won't let them make me feel bad about having feelings towards the same sex.

I guess this is goodbye to the chapter of my life where I didn't know my worth and where I couldn't explore and openly be myself.

It's been hello to the newest chapter of my life- of my healing, for about two months post graduation. My girlfriend's almost out of her sophomore year at WHU, and maybe if I decide that college is my route I might join her there too.

For my 18th, she took me make to San Antonio so we could really explore without Coach Wang's limitations, and speaking of Wang: Con was offered her position upon her former coach's request as the new volleyball coach at KCSHS. I do some editing from our apartment to bring in my own form of income, and Angelle still works at the library, bitter but seeming to be on her journey to maturity every time Con has to go in and check out a book for classes.

I know it might bring bad luck but...

I think life's turning out to be okay for all of us.

"Vee, can you pass me my bag?" Con asked, her face still wet after we had left the shower. I pulled my towel tighter around my body to cover the hickeys along my skin, handing her the volleyball bag that sat by our bedroom doorway. She took the bag from me, using the same hand outstretched towards her to pull me against her body and cuddle me.

"Summer volleyball camp, what would old Con be thinkin' right now?" she smirked.

"That you're growing...and you have somebody by your side to grow with you," I smiled.

"I'm proud of the both of us," she nodded, "I hope you know that."

"I hope you know you gon catch pneumonia in the ass if you stand around naked like this," I cracked a smile, trying to shake away the sentimental moment. I didn't want to cry today. I didn't wanna cry at all anymore period...unless it was happy tears. Those days were supposed to be over. And if the sad days were in the past now, hopefully me and her good create happy years.

"It was all worth it," I reminded her, brushing some water from her chin as it made way for her collarbone. "Everything was. Especially the drama."

"It's crazy how you can be so in love one moment then hate that same person the next- hate them for the things you used to love so quickly," she said softly.

Con went back to getting ready, leaving me frowning in the doorway. It felt like the happy high I had been on these past few months had just slowed in that moment. The light, airy feeling in me was hard, hollow, and solid.

Void.

"Well...What do you mean, Con?"

"I mean, if-

She turned her face away again.

"Never mind."

My frown deepened. No, this is not a 'never mind' moment. This is a 'tell me' moment. "Constance," I said, walking after her. "Don't just leave me hangin' man."

"I'm not, I just don't know what to say. Or what I can. My feelings are so complicated and I don't wanna tell you somethin' you don't wanna hear."

"There's...problems between us?" I asked tentatively. "I thought everything was good..."

"I look at you and I see a lot of what I want- nobody will ever have everything. We all got that perfect partner that we imagine in our heads," she smiled a little against the wall, "Whether it's because they do whatever we want or they fuck the way that we want in our fantasies or they have the smoothest lips, a perfect nose, a nice ass, a soothing voice." She looked down at her feet, "But I also see the side of you that hasn't seen the world-

"Don't BS me, Con. I thought we were fine," I exclaimed.

"And we are fine. We've been great all these months. Our relationship has been near-perfect. I love you, Vee," she said, walking towards me.

"So what's up?" I cocked my hip, staring at her. "Don't tell me its the whole age thing again, man. You knew what was up when you dated somebody younger than you."

"That's what it is," she admitted lowly.

"Fuck this," I turned around, not wanting her to see the tears brimming in my eyes.

I've lost. I'm a loser.

"Vivianne," she pleaded.

"I thought everything was fine," I repeated, crying. "I thought we were gonna be fairy tale perfect." I turned to face her, knocking her hands off of me, seeing the hurt on her face from my action. "So you wanna break up or something now? Because things are getting good between us."

"I always do that...before the deep love sets in. It's the only way I know," she told me quietly.

"Well learn another way!" I said, then grabbing both of her hands, I kissed her deeply, sucking on her lip.

I moved back, sadness in my eyes. "We can learn together, Con. But don't do this to me. Not after everything we've promised each other. Not after showing me that my life is worth it. That I'm not who I was before with Izzy. I thank you for not enabling me and my bad habits, when I thought they were just for pleasure. You mean to tell me my age is gonna get in the way of that...cause I know its not my maturity."

"My mom was like this in relationships. Always on and off. She wasn't a hoe you know," Con admitted, "She just couldn't stick with anybody. And she's unhappy alone. Unhappy with other people. My father never stuck around after he found out about me, not that what they had was a good love anyways. Maybe, I'm like her too. I don't wanna be like her, Vee. I'm trying," she sobbed.

I held Con to my chest, our skin cold and damp.

"Don't be scared of our love," I whispered.

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