[tw: suicidal thoughts, dissociation I think, death]
What if I just pretend this never happened? What if I just act like this is a normal day, and I didn't just destroy the world, kill two people, and then continue to destroy the world? What if I pretend that I'm not in the bed of someone whose life I've ruined, sleeping with her son as if it's okay, when we know it's not?
"Zac? Vanessa?" Zac's mom asks, and the world becomes real again. I don't even know what emotion to feel right now, because there's just so much going on in my mind. There's guilt, there's fear, there's horror, there's confusion, there's complete sickness.
"Yeah?" Zac says. His hair is a mess, his eyes are red from hours of crying, and his voice is strained.
"I had to pick up an extra shift at work," Mom explains. "And I don't want to leave you here, so I called one of your friend's moms, and she said she can take you to her work and you can hang out in the office."
"No-" Zac starts. We're both thinking the same thing. If we're in that office building, everyone there is in danger.
"You don't have a choice," Zac's mom says. "I need you to be watched by someone I trust. Emma's mom will pick you up in 15 minutes, so get dressed."
"We'll be fine on our own," Zac argues, but his mom isn't having it.
"No, you won't," she states. "End of discussion." For the next 15 minutes, we get dressed as slowly as we can, trying every few minutes to argue with Zac's mom, until we formulate the plan to just make a break for it and run when Emma's mom tries to pick us up. Unfortunately, Zac's mom anticipates this, and she grabs one of each of our wrists and walks us to the car, allowing us no chance to escape.
"Hi!" Emma's mom exclaims cheerily, and it's almost horrifying to hear her be so happy when Zac and I currently have to deal with the fact that everything is going completely wrong.
"Lock the car doors, and grab their wrists when you're taking them into the building," Zac's mom demands, in complete contrast to Emma's mom's smile. "They're trying to escape for some reason, so do not let them. They need to safely be with an adult."
"Uh," Emma's mom stutters. "Sure. Um... see you later." Zac's mom nods and walks back to the house leaving me and Zac to sit in the back of the car in silence for the rest of the drive to the office building. It's about a 20 minute drive to the inner city, where Emma's mom's office building is, and once we reach there, Emma's mom attempts to unlock each door one at a time so she can do as Zac's mom requested and drag us into the building by our wrists. At this point, running away wouldn't really help us, seeing as this entire city is filled with people, so we barely resist.
"Oh, God," Zac says as we're taken into the building, and once we make it into the elevator, Emma's mom lets go of our wrists.
"I'm going to go into my office and do my work, but you two can hang out in the break room. I think there's paper if you want to draw or something, and usually there are snacks in there. I know this isn't ideal, and you probably want to hang out with your friends right now, but this is where you have to be," Emma's mom explains. "I'm sorry." We reach the top floor, and the three of us walk out of the elevator. And once Emma's mom leaves us behind, all the thoughts from the past few hours have no choice but to overtake us.
Every second blurs into one when you're counting down to your own death. It seems that Zac and I have gotten lucky with every other natural disaster, but we can't survive forever. When the universe is actively trying to kill us, there's no safety. I don't want to die. But I know I will. I know that, soon enough, my life will be taken. It's just a matter of when. Seconds blur into minutes into hours, and I hallucinate a scrap of hope, as if maybe there's some way we're safe. It's 11:48 in the morning, and nothing has happened yet. We're almost halfway through the day, with no natural disaster so far. But, because the universe loves to watch me suffer, I realize how completely stupid I really am. Because in what seems like a twisted joke, that last scrap of hope burns to ashes in violent flames. Flames like the forest fire that has rushed into the city, flames like the fire that is raging through dry, windy streets. Flames like the biggest natural disaster we've ever seen. This is the end.
"EVERYONE EVACUATE!!" someone screams, and people run through the office, rushing towards the stairs. I can smell smoke, and it's getting harder and harder to breathe.
"Vanessa!!" Zac yells, motioning for me to follow everyone to get out of the building. But I don't. I run across the office and through the break room, and I find the stairs to the roof. There's smoke in my lungs, there's adrenaline in my veins, there's fear and panic and I just want this to end. I just want everything to end. "Vanessa!" he screams again, this time running towards me.
"GET OUT OF THE BUILDING!!" I demand.
"What?" he asks. He hacks and coughs in the smoke, covering his eyes and trying as hard as he can to breathe.
"I caused all of this. I revived Jess, I killed her, I upset the universe. I caused this, so I have to end it."
"End... what?" Zac asks cautiously.
"Zac," I say. I don't want to have to explain it to him. "Please just get out. Save yourself. I'm sorry." And in one motion, I open the door, go into the stairwell, and lock it behind me. I run to the rooftop, and the city is on fire. All I can see is smoke and flame, all I can hear is sirens and screams, and I know for a fact that I caused this. I was stupid. I was immature. I could have stopped this, and I didn't. I could have chosen not to revive a dead person. I could have chosen to stop trying to escape. I could have chosen death for myself, for the safety of this entire city. I had to watch my friend text me as she drowned, I had to hear the news of my other friends dying, I had to sit in silence as lives were destroyed. And there's no one to blame but myself. There is one way to solve this, to ensure that no one else dies. And that one way is my death. Zac did nothing wrong. He deserves to live, in happiness for the rest of his life. He deserves to find someone who he loves, someone who can make his life better rather than worse. He deserves everything I can't give him. I've prolonged this long enough, but it's a fact that I deserve to die. I deserve to jump off this building, I deserve to choke on the smoke as it fills my veins, I deserve to hear my bones snap beneath me as I hit the ground, and I deserve to burn. I deserve to sit there, helpless, as my flesh goes up in flame and I burn to ashes. I've killed enough people that one more is barely anything. So, with smoke in my lungs and pain in my heart and a burning city beneath me, I jump.
YOU ARE READING
thunderstruck - zac efron and vanessa hudgens
Hayran Kurguit's pre-high school musical, but set in the current times. zac and vanessa's lives were wrecked by a car crash 2 years ago that took both of their siblings, and have remained split by hatred for one another ever since. but when a new story about t...
