worth the risk • dean portman

chapter four

morgan

This is why you don't drop the bomb that you have a boyfriend to the guy who's been obsessed with you for his entire life.

Because now, I'm sitting at a restaurant squeezed in between him and my dad, praying that he'll actually keep his mouth shut for once in his life.

"So Morgan," Mr. Kennedy starts. "I hear that your soccer team just won their second consecutive state championship."

"Yeah, we did!" I answer with the first genuine smile I've had since talking to Dean earlier this morning. "It's been really exciting, and I'm happy that we were able to defend the title."

"Any ideas about college?" Mrs. K asks, which makes me hesitate.

"Not particularly." I reply with a shrug, and then take a sip of my drink. "I'm still deciding on if I want to play soccer or not, and when I do I'll probably go from there."

She nods, and I let out a deep sigh of relief. All the college talk is insanely stressful, especially when I'm telling my friends one thing and actually thinking about another. Morgan, Ella, and I have talked about going to college together for years, and I've realized that I might want something different.

It's no secret that Ella wants to go to the University of Minnesota. She comes from a Gophers family and is basically already in, because of how many different ways she's a legacy and the insane influence that her family has at that school. Sadie still isn't sure where she wants to go yet, but I know she wants to play soccer and be close in distance to Ella and I.

Me on the other hand, I want to go far from home. Don't get me wrong, I like UM a lot. It's a beautiful campus and has a lot of what I'm looking for in a school, but it's just too close. I've been looking at schools on the east coast, and I've fallen in love with a few of them. This whole process is too stressful to think about.

"Dave." Jake pipes up, which snaps me out of my thoughts and makes my heart sink into my stomach. "What do you think about Morgan going away for school?"

I look at my dad, who falls deep into thought for a few seconds. "Well," he says eventually. "I think that she should go wherever makes her happy, as long as it isn't too far from here."

"What's considered too far?" I ask anxiously.

"Hmm. I would think that the west coast is a bit too far. I don't like the idea of taking a long plane ride every time I want to see my daughter."

His words make my heart sink even further down into my stomach. "So that means the east coast is out too?"

"No, I'm okay with the east coast." he answers as he takes a bite of his food. "As long as it isn't too far and you're happy, I'm happy."

That answer lifts my spirits a bit, because I know that I still have a chance of being able to go to a school like Boston University or Yale, my absolute dream school.

"Have you ever considered New York City for college?" Jake asks, and I notice the slight hint of hope in his tone.

"I don't think that New York City is for me." I respond with a taunting smile, which makes him frown. He just recently committed to Columbia for lacrosse, so I want to make it known that I'm never going to the same place he is. Columbia is also his parents' alma mater, which definitely influenced his choice. Either way, I'll never be around him longer than I need to be, which is a very good thing.

"What don't you like about it?" he pushes, and my patience finally snaps.

"I just don't like it, okay? I'm not a fan of the constant crowds, the insane prices of everything, and I'm especially not a fan of the people."

I make sure to emphasize on people, and it seems to hit its target. Jake's face falls and the table becomes silent. "I'm sorry." I mumble. "I'm just not a fan of New York City. I've been there enough to last a lifetime and I have absolutely no interest in going there for college."

"It's okay Morgan, don't apologize." my mom says sweetly. "You have every right to not want to go there. No one is forcing you to."

"And no one will." I snap as I cross my arms and lean back in my chair. "I'm not changing my mind on it."

The rest of dinner is a little awkward, probably because of my sudden outburst. I don't even care though, because the Kennedys are unfortunately more family than they are business partners. It's not like my outburst will effect anything important, so I'm not too worried.

As soon as I get home, I run up to my room and slam the door shut. I need to calm myself down before I completely lose my mind, because I'll end up making a really stupid decision if I do.

I change out of my clothes into a baggy t-shirt and pajama shorts, then flop on my bed and open my computer to find a movie to watch. I can't believe that Jake thought he was going to somehow convince me to go to New York for school.

Speaking of the devil, my door slightly opens and I hear his deep voice from the other side. "Hey. Can I come in?"

"I'd rather you not, actually." I call back to him, burying myself under all of my blankets.

A few seconds later, I feel someone sitting on my bed next to me. I uncover myself and give him the best glare I can. "What part of me not wanting you in my room did you not understand?"

"Is this how it's always going to be now that you have a boyfriend?" he whispers quietly.

I cross my arms and lean back onto my pillows. "I don't understand. What's supposedly different about me now that I have a boyfriend?"

He looks at me, and I see tons of sadness swimming in his eyes. "We used to be so close Morgan. And now you try to run every time I'm around you. Why are you like this?"

Is he kidding?

"Jake," I say with a sigh as I curl myself up into a ball. "It's not that I wanted to drift from you. I've always liked our friendship, because I've never had a reason not to. I just think you see me as more than a friend, but you can't seem to see that I just don't feel the same way about you. I don't know if it's because you choose not to, but if you actually didn't know, you do now. We'll always be just friends."

"Just friends." he echos in response. He then stands up and walks out of my room, slamming the door shut behind him.

I let out a huge breath of relief and lay myself flat on my back, staring up at the ceiling in defeat. When, just when will this entire situation end?