worth the risk • dean portman

chapter seventeen

morgan

I don't like that I'm avoiding Dean.

I know it would be better to tell him what's actually going on, but I don't want my dad to somehow find out. Trust me, he's got people everywhere.

It's really hard to see Dean's face fall every time I don't wait for him after class and basically just run away, but it's better to keep him in the dark than to tell him what's actually going on. He would get himself involved, and that's the last thing I want.

I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep up with this act, because I know myself. It'll all come spilling out of me once Dean is able to get me alone, which is another reason I'm avoiding him. Like I said before... the less he knows, the better.

Because it's just my luck, my language class is first period. Whoever decided to force me to learn French at eight in the morning should seriously consider quitting their job. Seriously, who expects kids to be able to think in another language so early in the morning? I can barely think in English, let alone French.

Of course, it's also just my luck that we have a test today. I've been taking this class since middle school and I still can only barely speak the language. Instead of speaking, we learn grammar and other things that are barely useful. I doubt I'd be able to have a basic conversation with a French person if I ever go back to France.

As Madame Monet hands out our exam, my nerves are on overdrive. I studied really hard for this, but I'm afraid that all of the distractions I've been dealing with recently will ruin my chances of focusing and doing well.

My stomach drops in horror as I scan through the test and realize that half of the material is new. I'm not shocked though, because she does this every time. I don't understand why she thinks that testing us on material we haven't learned yet is beneficial, but that's just classic Madame Monet for you.

There are only ten questions on this test, and five of them are on new material. I do the ones I know first, and then try to reason out the other ones. It's some new form of grammar we haven't learned yet, but it looks similar to the one she's testing us on now.

After attempting to reason my way through the questions, I think I actually figure out the right answers. It was quite the process for sure, but I think I got everything right and that's what matters.

Like usual, I'm the first one finished. There's still a solid fifteen minutes left in the period, so the fact that I'm done this early is honestly a little unsettling. I know Madame knows I'm done, but she actually lets me sit for a few minutes to check my work before I get up and hand it in.

As I'm heading back to my seat, I see Dean looking at me from where his desk is. He smiles at me, but he almost looks nervous as he does it. I give him a reserved smile in return and sit back down in my chair, trying to pay as little attention to him as possible.

I have to look at the ceiling as I settle back into my seat, so that the tears that are forming in my eyes won't spill out. I hate every part of this, but I can't risk ruining a relationship with my family. Maybe if I just ignore everything for long enough, it'll all go away and my dad will forget about this whole thing.

Once again, I practically sprint into the hallway when the bell rings to end first period. Hopefully Lily isn't mad at me for basically dragging her down the hallway for the past week, because I know I'd be annoyed if I was in her position.

I decide to let her know when I think we're a good enough distance away from Dean. "Sorry for dragging you down the hallway this past week, Lil. I feel really bad."