worth the risk • dean portman

chapter nineteen

morgan

Connie has been acting extremely weird.

It's really odd, because she's always been the one out of our friends who's calm and collected. But recently, she seems so anxious. I wish I could find out why, because then I'd be able to make sure she's okay and help her if I need to.

The only thing I can imagine that could explain why she's acting like this is because of something happening between her and Guy? I'm sure that's not the case though. They wouldn't break up if their lives depended on it.

I guess I could ask her, but I'd have to approach her carefully. The last thing I want to do is make her upset, so I need to be smart on how I'm going to go about this.

Since we have calculus together last period, I figure that just talking to her after class is the best idea. Besides, the hockey locker room is right next to the exit that leads to the junior parking lot. It's a win-win situation for me.

As the bell rings to signal the end of the day, I immediately take my opportunity. I quickly catch up with Connie as she rounds the corner, doing my best to keep up with her in the crowded hallway. "Hey Connie, can I ask you something?"

She turns to me and starts to laugh. "That's funny, because I wanted to ask you something too. I'm glad you said something, because I've needed to talk to you for a few days now."

An unsettling feeling washes over me, but I keep my cool and a neutral expression on my face. "Oh. Do you want me to ask you first, or you ask me? I'm fine with either."

She hesitates for a split second, but asks nonetheless. "Why are you avoiding Dean?"

The question hits me like a punch to the gut, and I know I've been caught. "What do you mean? I'm not avoiding him."

"Yes you are." she counters, giving me a disappointed look. "Everyone knows it, even him. What's going on Morgan? This is so unlike you."

"You wouldn't understand." I mumble, focusing my attention on the hallway in front of me instead of her. "It's not like I want to, Connie. It's that I have to."

"You're right Morgan, I don't understand." she argues, and I can basically see the frown that she most definitely has right now. "I know you. This isn't something you'd willingly choose to do. So, what's the reason? There's absolutely no reason at all to be ignoring your boyfriend, especially when he hasn't done anything wrong. You're either going to tell me the reason, or I'll force it out of you one way or another."

I swallow the lump that's formed in my throat and face Connie, not even bothering to blink back the tears that have started to well in my eyes. "You want to know what's wrong? Fine. My dad found out about my relationship with Dean and is forcing me to stay away from him. There. That's what happened."

I stomp away before she gets a chance to say anything, because we're luckily standing right in front of the locker room. And of course, Dean walks right by me as I'm barreling for the door.

"Hey hey hey, stop. What's wrong?" he asks, concern filling his beautiful features.

"Nothing. I'm fine." I answer quickly, even though I can't hide my sniffle.

"No you're not." he insists, holding my shoulder firmly. How great. I'm stuck. "Talk to me. You've ignored me for almost two weeks. What the hell is going on?"

Of course, I fold like a frickin' cardboard box. "Fine. Come to my house right after practice. I'll come out to you, okay?"

His look of confusion sends guilt rushing through me, but he nods and places a kiss on my forehead. He walks past me into the locker room, and I basically sprint out of the school and into my car.

Now that I'm finally alone, I allow myself to cry. And I mean, really cry. I don't leave the parking lot for a good fifteen minutes, because the tears won't stop coming. This whole situation is so unfair. If only Jake hadn't opened his big fat mouth, everything would still be normal.

When I finally calm myself down, I go home and pray that I won't see him. He's the last person I need to see right now, or ever. I swear he's going make me explode, and I've already exploded on him. So technically, he's going to make me explode again.

I'm woken up by my phone ringing, and swallow the nausea rising in my throat when I see Dean's name across my screen. When I pick up, I'm met by his deep voice. "Hey, I'm in my car outside."

Without saying anything, I hang up and make my way outside. I slide into the passenger seat and stare directly ahead, because I can't bring myself to look at him. It hurts too much.

"So..." he says after a few minutes of awkward silence. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong? Why have you been avoiding me Morgan? What's going on?"

"My dad found out about us." I whisper quietly.

"Okay? What's wrong with that?" He sounds completely unfazed, which makes this all even worse. I've really sugarcoated this entire situation, haven't I?

"Dean, do you know why I kept it from him all this time?" I ask in the same quiet voice, and I finally force myself to look at him.

His stricken expression slices my stomach in half. "Yes."

"He's banning me from seeing you Dean." I whisper. "That's why I've been avoiding you. I have to do this to protect you, and staying away from you is the only way I can."

"I can't believe this." he mumbles to himself, as he puts his hands on his head in what I assume is disbelief. "I can't fucking believe this."

"I'm so sorry Dean. I'm so, so sorry." I choke out through my sobs. "I'm so sorry."

He reaches forward and tilts my chin, so that I'm looking at him. "I'll always love you. Even if I have to love you from a distance, I'll always love you. That will never change."

As I watch the tears fall from his eyes, I throw myself into his arms and bury my head into his chest. He immediately wraps his arms around me and we hold each other close, as we cry over what Jake has done to us.

And this whole mess is because he wants me to be his instead of Dean's.