Dive into my mind, don't drown.

10:24 PM

You know what I hate the most, the part when even my distractions aren't enough to distract me.

I waste my life away staring at an illuminated screen that I don't even enjoy.

I wish I could find the joy that I used to be able to see in this world.

I wish I could find a reason, a cope-able way to mental illness, everywhere I go I hear people say "it's going to get better" or "you have to have the storm if you want the rainbow" or some other cheesy, cringey quotes.

I'm so fed up with hearing the same things over and over again like they're trying to engrave it in my mind so that I'll believe it. I will only believe when I see it for myself.

I think I care too much.

About other people.

But not enough for myself.

And I want to change that, but I know that if I change it's going to be difficult and I'll feel guilty or regret for hurting people or letting them down.

But also that I don't think that once I fully let go I won't be able to keep a hold of the person I once was.

Maybe I have to change.

I've never known who I am, I've struggled with finding myself.

I wish I didn't have to, but I can't keep doing this.

- Owl.