Dive into my mind, don't drown.

1:38 AM

I have tried. I promise.

I am sorry for all that I have done to you, and I know I owe you an explanation.

I stopped hanging out with you, I'd make up an excuse the day before or a few hours before we were due to meet up about why I couldn't make it. It was all lies.

The truth is, you guys are growing up. You're changing, in the ways of how you act and what you say. You might think you haven't but you have its a subtle change, that only if someone knew you before would notice. I guess, it's good for you. You'll be more mature, and wiser and maybe you'll even know what you want, and get it. It's good. It's what we're meant to do, right?

But I haven't grown up yet, and I don't want to; I'm still the childish, inappropriate, dirty-minded kid that you all first met, I'm still stuck in my head, that's full of fantasies and dreams of places where I'm happy and wish to belong. I'm still stuck relieving the memories of childhood, remembering how it feels to be free of certain responsibilities and the only thing you had to worry about was how long you had left till bedtime. Man, do I wish I could restart. Unfortunately, no matter how hard or how long I wish, it doesn't work like that and it never will.

If we do happen to grow apart, and you all stay together but you drift away from me just know it's okay, I understand. I'm never going to forget you, and all the things we did, all the things we went through, how we laughed till we were clutching our stomachs and gasping for air. In those moments we shared together, I forgot all the things I missed, all the reasons why I was full of regret and anger, and all the things I couldn't fix.

And of course, me being me and all, I'm not going to tell you this, maybe I hope one day you'll find this and feel some kind of reassurance from a post you read online from a "stranger".

I love you.

I hope you never forget that you can be loved.

- Owl.