𝘞𝘈𝘕𝘛𝘌𝘋//𝘐. 𝘔𝘪𝘥𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘺𝘢 𝘹 𝘙𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

14. 𝘔𝘐𝘕𝘌 𝘏𝘈𝘚 𝘉𝘌𝘌𝘕 𝘈 𝘓𝘐𝘍𝘌 𝘖𝘍 𝘔𝘜𝘊𝘏 𝘚𝘏𝘈𝘔𝘌, 𝘔𝘖𝘙𝘌 𝘖𝘕 𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘛 𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘚𝘖𝘖𝘕

ONE HOUR BEFORE THE MISSION

Usually, my apartment was quiet. Sometimes too quiet. But I was in a good mood tonight and my music was blasting through some speakers. I was going on a mission, a big hefty one that was sure to pay a ton, which means I can get myself that new mattress I wanted. The one I have right now is ancient. "Stop calling, stop calling, I don't wanna think anymoreeee..." I hummed along while cleaning my handgun's shaft. My shoulders and head bounced with the beat. Now after yesterday's events you might think that I'm just completely miserable all the time, but no. It wasn't scarce for me to be in a good mood;

It just... never seemed to stick though.

With me, happiness didn't last long before I started to feel an overwhelming sense of melancholy creep up on me again. And to be happy alone was quite the event. Usually, I'm happy around others. But I'm not around others a lot, am I? It's true... I'm not. The absolute worst part about this is that even though you know that you're depressed, you're unable to stop yourself from spiralling and getting worse. You'll find yourself trying to remember the things that made you happy, journaling, going on walks, whatever it may be. But... it's no use. Because slowly but surely, your brain begins to erase every memory that ever brought you joy. Along with any sense of joy, you'll try to make yourself feel when doing those things that made you happy before you became what you are now.

I groaned, disturbing the silence. I defeatedly banged my head on the table that I was working on, accidentally shaking the large bowl that I put Moby in. "Don't look at me like that. M'sorry." I murmured, but my voice was muffled since my cheek was pressed against the hardwood.

One of the many things I hated about myself was how quickly I ruined the mood. My own, mostly. I'm not around people enough to ruin their moods.

My hands moved to my eyes, and when I touched my skin it was damp. "What the...?" I whispered, staring at my wet finger. "Oh not again... Why am I even crying this time..? This is so stupid..." I kept grumbling while furiously wiping my face until it hurt, and then I did nothing. I just stared ahead for a while, doing nothing.

A few minutes later I sighed and resumed the task at hand. It was no use to sit around and mope, I did enough of that when I wasn't busy with a job. It took me around thirty minutes to sort myself out, get armed and suit up. And by the time I was done, I had managed to cheer myself up a bit by repeating the promise of a new, comfortable, lump-less and stainless mattress. "I won't be long, don't take one of your dinner naps that make me think you're dead again," I mumbled while I tied up my boots. It felt odd to have another living being in my house. I haven't had anyone to live with in years.

"Onsen Ryokan... Right." The place was remote, not too big but still quite fancy. I've been in the area before, but I've never been in the hot springs. Onsen Ryokan was an all-men's hot spring resort, but that wasn't always the case. I've heard rumours of female consorts and prostitutes being snuck in, but I've never been able to catch them in action. This night was a fortunate one though. "Ehm." I cleared my throat and stood in front of the receptionist's desk, his head had been glued to his phone and didn't spare me a single glance. This place has horrible customer service. "Sorry, closed for tonight. We got private clients that don't want to be disturbed." He hummed, still playing around on his phone.

"Oh, I'm sure I'm not a disturbance to them." I hummed, leaning further on the desk with my arms folded. He finally looked up with an irritated look, which was quickly dropped as his eyes went wide as saucers. "Wh-white r... I-I swear I'm not inv-" "Yeah no. You don't seem the type to be involved in whatever is happening in there so I trust you'll let me in there to sort the problem out, pack your stuff and find a brand new job far, far away from here. Sound good?" My head moved to the right and I glared past him and into the resort, where I spotted silhouettes moving around.