Bio for 2019 - 2023 (finished)

Yesterday

Yesterday I went out shopping with my sister Kat, We hate shopping in December and November, People forget themself when Christmas is coming up. so for Tesco's where we get most of our stuff, we did click and collect so we didn't need to go in that shop but we usually go to b&m but it gets really busy so we didn't want to go in there, we were going to go to pound stretchers but it disappeared, we were in it last month but this month it closed down which we didn't know so we went to home bargains in Dumfries. We got there and it was kinda busy so we tried to get around it fast but when we were looking for marshmallows I had to stop and asked kat to go look for them. I've been having a pain in my leg and it was hurting that day so I stopped and just leaned against something but then I got way too hot and dizzy so I slid down the freezer and sat on the floor, I put my head in my hand, people just walked passed me not bothered. All I wanted to do was lay on the floor but I couldn't kat came back and saw me. She tried to help me up but it didn't work, I asked her to go get me water so she did but she had to leave me again next thing I know an elderly woman seen me walked up to me and asked if I was ok. I told her my anxiety was planning up and when it is high I get dizzy and fainted so she waited with me for kat to get back and when she did kat thanked her for waiting with me and told her I will be ok soon. I drank nearly the whole bottle so I asked Kat if she could get me more so she did. Everyone walked passed me not bothered that I was there or that I had fainted so anything so after some time kat helped me up and I clung to her so I wouldn't fall. We got throw the tills quite quickly and got out the shop and into the car that's when kat told me she saw a shop worker walk past me and did nothing. I told her I never seen them so it much of been when I was out. After I faint it takes me time to feel complete there like my mind is somewhere else, it's hard to explain so it took me a while to feel like myself again. it makes me so tired I have to try not to just go to sleep. This is the first time it's happened outside of my house so I was worried and kinda scared but I thought more than one person would have checked if I was ok when kat wasn't with me and of course a staff member should have helped but no one but Kat at lest I had kat who is a big help. Someone should have been with me or got the stuff for kat that I needed but no none helped at all and one person asked if I was ok. I think it's unreal, what if I was an elderly person? does someone help them? I would if I saw someone anyone on the floor no matter what age they are. If they are on the floor that means something is wrong and they need help. I hope this never happens again but I can't be sure of that it is my anxiety after all.

Today all I wanted to do was sleep but of course, I couldn't I had to deal with the dogs, kat was working, it took me a long time to get myself out of bed, my body didn't want to move at all. I finally got up but my body just didn't want to do anything so I had my comfort food which is mac and cheese which is so good, kat doesn't like it but she ate it anyways. Tomorrow Hayden is over for the weekend I can't wait! he will make me happy I hope cause I'm worried sick, dad is making me go to church on Christmas eve because it's closing down so they are having like a Christmas song thing and dad is making us all go but I'm so stressed out about it cause one it was the church Rebecca's coffin was in and two people will be there. I really don't want to go but if he lets me out of it Hayden will not want to go but I'm different ok it's my anxiety I can't help it. mum says not to worry about it but come on it's me I worry about everything even next months shopping when I've just done it, it's the way I am, I can't help it I've tried not to worry about things but my brain doesn't work like that. 

About my stories: ok so I have been struggling to come up with anything for my stories just now and it sucks I know it does I hate that I'm struggling with them and I do hope I will come up with an idea soon and sorry master and me banner isn't up yet, the person who is doing it is going through stuff just know so please wait for it ... maybe I should make sure she is still going to do it hm.. I'll keep thinking and hope something will come to me.

So that is me and my last few days of horror, oh forgot I'm seeing a therapist finally, she is nice her name is jade and yeah she is taking her time with me and I'm getting to know her and her me hopefully she won't disappear like Asha did wish me luck.