[18+ ONGOING]
Josephine Devereaux has spent her entire life wishing she liked change & spontaneity. But when she gets accepted into Southern Chicago U's forensics program, change suddenly isn't so scary. Fast forward two years- she's a junior at the...
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I woke up excited.
I never necessarily woke up upset. But I also had never really woken up excited.
And I knew exactly why.
Because of her.
Last night, I took so many risks. So many that I had expected to backfire. Ones that I thought would lead to her cutting me off entirely or outwardly rejecting me. But none of them did:
None of them did.
And that was how I knew I was in the clear.
The things I had felt for Josephine Devereaux were complicated.
Frankly, complicated wasn't even enough to describe it.
But for the first time in the two to three years I had known her, I had found out that she doesn't despise me.
That she doesn't find me strictly infuriating, repulsive and arrogant. That she could stand my presence. That she could more than stand it.
That she enjoyed it.
I felt like I was on top of the fucking world.
Was this how it was supposed to feel?
I had dated two girls before.
Kayla and Shreya.
Kayla and I dated in sixth grade.
Was it a serious relationship?
Not in the slightest.
But it felt wrong to not consider it a real one. No feelings were truly exchanged, but a part of me felt like I owed it to her to consider it real. We ended on good terms, as good as you possibly could as eleven-year-old, and there was no point in pretending she wasn't a part of my life. Even if it was a small part.
I still followed her on social media. She was engaged to someone, and seemed happy.
There was something satisfying about seeing that. Something satisfying about knowing that a girl I liked was loved unconditionally by someone. I wasn't sure why. But yeah.
Shreya and I dated from junior year of high school, to the beginning of freshman year of college.
We were serious.
We weren't similar at all.
I cared a little too much about school, and so did she. I cared because I loved it. She cared because her parents did. I wanted to be a forensic scientist because I loved it. She wanted to be a doctor because her parents did. I wanted to go to SCU because they had what I was looking for, she wanted to go to a more prestigious college because it was what her parents wanted.
I wanted to do long distance because I loved her, she wanted to break up because her parents didn't love me.
It hurt freshman year. But it didn't take long for me to realize that even though I loved her, it was for the best. I got over her relatively quickly, and I'm sure she did me. I wouldn't know because after we broke up, we cut off contact, but frankly, I didn't care anymore.
