[18+ ONGOING]
Josephine Devereaux has spent her entire life wishing she liked change & spontaneity. But when she gets accepted into Southern Chicago U's forensics program, change suddenly isn't so scary. Fast forward two years- she's a junior at the...
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I wasn't a jealous person.
I really wasn't.
I swear.
Okay, I'm a little jealous.
But I'm not delusional enough to convince myself that I have a right to be. I have NO right to be jealous. No right at all.
That's why I ultimately decided to excuse myself from the kitchen so that I could chill the fuck out in one of the numerous empty bedrooms that would most likely begin to fill up as the party got more crazy.
I'm currently just pacing back and forth, saying different variations of "you have no right to be jealous" to myself in my head. It's working. I feel better already. I'm not mad at all. I know I'm being irrational. And I know both Josie and anyone around me didn't deserve to deal with a tipsy me who was also pissed because of something that I had no right to be pissed about. Nobody deserved to have that frustration projected onto them.
This was a common occurrence for me. I found that whenever I felt strong emotions, I'd tend to isolate myself a little. I had a huge fear of projecting my emotions in negative ways.
Growing up without my birth parents was difficult sometimes. Especially when I was young. Because I couldn't really comprehend that they were truly gone forever. For a while, I had believed that my grandparents were just taking me in until they decided to just come and take me back again. So because of that, I found myself refusing to really open up and let myself allow my grandparents to be my real parents. And that manifested negatively in younger me.
I grew up with the bad habit of inadvertently projecting my negativity onto everyone around me sometimes. If I got a bad grade, I'd be irritable for a while. If my workout was lousy and I felt unaccomplished, I'd sometimes shut down and just criticize myself in my head. If I forgot about something I had to do that I was dreading doing, I found myself miserable leading up to the thing.
I was much better at handling things now. When Sawyer came into my life, he never hesitated to tell me when I was being a cunt. He would put me in my place and would say something along the lines of "you're upset, but that doesn't mean I have to be upset too."
It sounds harsh, but it's honestly what I need to hear. When Sawyer's not here to set me straight, I tend to repeat those words in my head.
KNOCK
My eyes snap to the door, confused at who could be knocking. I mean, we're at a party full of drunk idiots for god sakes, who is sober enough to actually be respectful and knock on a door that's literally already open?
I open the door a little further and my question is quickly answered.
Josie's face is twisted into an expression of pure concern when she sees me, followed by her requesting to come in. I grab her hand gently and pull her in, closing the door behind us.
