The Law of Attraction | Vol I

Retaliation.

Spending time with Adam was a mistake, and I knew it when I was pacing our steps beyond anything more than an occasional tipsy kiss and fondle I knew as soon as I found out I was pregnant, and felt like I had violated both our friendship and my soon-to-be over, failing marriage. Well, I felt responsible for our marriage failing, as it damaged by both of us. But, I chose to go further and end things forever by filing. I hadn't been speaking to Adam, but did receive some messages I kind of read and ignored, distracted by the trial.  I knew it was time to let go of the escapism between Adam and him, I knew he was into me and would have seen me husband by my side as we left the courtroom the day before.

He confirmed sighting me by way of a shady text, asking if there was a reason I didn't say I was back with him and it felt like a real accusation. His suspicion was valid and I knew I wanted my husband back and so did Adam. He locked into it when I was refusing to hold his hand, kiss him in public or act like anything beyond friends when out and about. I replied telling him I was pregnant, and he called me as I was putting Summer down to watch a bedtime film. My mum was in bed with her and my little brother for a while , before they went to bed. I sat with her as waiting for her to drift off, not knowing Aubrey was on the way, literally.

My room was warmed by a centred tan tiled fireplace, floor to ceiling windows alongside the whole right of the room, tv and dresser to the left as was the en-suite. I would find myself doing that when I had anxiety, focusing in on the walls, details of the furniture, wallpaper, textures and patterns. I was learning to pace my breath, thinking about all of the evidence my dad, mum and husband would now see. I was so ashamed of being involved with Jax, my first EP filled with music made by a man whose hands were covered in blood. I wondered why he would always talk about Amberlie, having broken up with her a year before Jordan and I were officially over. He had been stalking her, just like he was trying to intimidate me with the song he made and messages he sent to me, Keisha and Zianna. I was worrying about who his witness was, running through potential people but coming with no one who I knew, and would be willing to stand by a killer creep. I was told to try and not speak with Keisha, and that was made easier with her situation and being pregnant. Adam was aware of it all, and called me to confirm what I had said.
" hey"
" hey Lylee... can we talk for five?"
" sure... what's up-"
" so you was sleeping with him when we were talking... you're pregnant"
" no... he's my husband and I didn't expect for us to separate, or for you and I to get close this way... I'm almost 9 weeks and we haven't been talking for that long... plus, he's come to support me with the case"
" close? I could have come with you.... I told you that"
" Adam... I know it's not fair" Adam was a good friend throughout our separation, empathising with me as one of the many men my husband did business with. It was different now, he always sent me things, but we had stepped up with our exchanges. His sexual tension was high, as I smiled, still blown away by my self satisfaction. Smiling at my phone as I replied to his late night horny messages. Telling me about what he wanted to do, once I was ready to put that thing on him. He flashed back to me keeping him
at ease, with sexy videos and video calls.
" you lied... said you don't want him anymore... we was cool"
" I didn't, genuinely was over the marriage and him hurting me... but he's my husband and I have to follow my heart"
" we was close... but never like that so it's cool...he knows right"
" not yet... I haven't said who I was talking to-"
" talking to!? Is that all it was to you!? I was making you come over the phone every night...-
And,I'm 43 years old... i don't do that with bitches! I was looking to settle down, have a kid or two, marry you, Lylee-" I knew that, and told him I wanted to explore a friendship that lead to commitment and more children, in my next relationship. I meant that, but, we just weren't meant to be. I never felt sexually attracted to him, but found him cute and attractive when he romanced me. It was fun, for me. Friendship, and a kiss, and climax, or two.
" so what are you wasting my time for-"
" I'm sorry Adam-"
" is that why you ain't wanna have sex?"
" no- I wanted to wait for the divorce to be finalised "
" the same divorce you both keep putting off?"
" Adam, I'm sorry-"
" why? He is your husband... I know you love him...go home to your husband and work it out"
" he doesn't trust me and I get it-"
" he's put money on my head apparently " he laughed but we both knew Aubrey was serious about his threats.
" I'm sorry... this should of never-"
" we are still friends, I love you but I get it. You need him"
" I do... I want us to raise our children together, and I'm sorry" he hung up, and I didn't hear from him for a few months after that.