What Should I do? | Shawn Hunter

x. The Things We Don't Want To Be

WHEN KARDERN WAS five, he wanted to be a prince. He wanted to be loving, and daring and get the happy endings that princes in books always seem to have and when he was five he seemed to have all that, he was on top of the world because really what was greater than some childish whim and the hope that you could do anything.

And then a few years later, reality came back to him, crashing and burning down at his feet. His mother fled and he found out more about himself which left him feeling more anxious and out of place. It left him feeling  angry at the world and feeling like he had no place to go 

He was angry at everything and everyone 

It was like Kardern's mother was the glue that held the family together and without her, they weren't a real family and without her guidance, Kardern struggled with finding his place in the world 

Kardern remembered the first time he went to therapy and it was bad. The therapist basically implied that his mother leaving was all his fault and maybe she just needed time away from him to find herself again, it definitely didn't help the fact that he already felt like it was his fault and he wanted to quit right there and then but as he was court mandated he couldn't.

Which is why it terrified him when his Dad suggested he go back to therapy again

He definitely did not like the idea of going to therapy again. Especially as it hadn't gone well the first time and he didn't want to go through it again. Therapy hadn't been anyone's first choice but the court had mandated it seeing the damage that he had caused to the mirror -- luckily it was only a mirror that he destroyed and so a broken hand and therapy session was all that he got 

It was then Kardern realised life was not a fairytale and there were no princes that were going to save him and he would have to go through life alone even though Kardern had realised he knew a handful of things there were a lot of things he really didn't know, honestly he could fill in a book with everything he didn't know

Things like Kardern didn't really understand the pledge of allegiance, he was only eleven after all and his world had been relatively contained. It was only in the past year that it had really expanded and that was purely because for some reason Shawn Hunter had taken a liking to him and where he goes, Cory Matthews isn't far behind (most likely holding some kind of parade and waving banners)

"Miss Lawrence, I couldn't help but notice that you didn't recite the pledge of aligence this morning?" Mr Feeny spoke, his voice strong and breaking into the world that Kardern had crafted for himself in his head and when he caught on to what Mr Feeny was saying he tried really hard not to laugh. 

He had come early to class just so that he could read his book in peace and that was when he noticed Mr Feeny and Topanga talking as she too was early and Mr Feeny asking her not to say the pledge which hopefully would spark a topic for debate

Kardern promised he wouldn't say a word and Mr Feeny smiled and said he would let him read his book in class this one time and not give him into trouble. Kardern had readily agreed and promised he would stay up to date on the material 

"Yes sir. I elected not to" Topanga nodded 

 "Why?" 

"I didn't feel like it"

"This is going to be cool" Cory spoke excitedly, turning around to Shawn and rubbing his hands together. Kardern again tried not to laugh at his friend's antics because he knew that Cory was just digging himself an even deeper hole

"What did you say, Mr Matthews?"

"Uh, I said this is going to be cool, Mr Feeny" Cory said trying to backpedal as he sunk further into his seat. Kardern smirked as he tried not to let on that he knew anything as he buried his head back into his book