What Should I do? | Shawn Hunter

xiv. Outta My Mind

KARDERN SHOULDN'T HAVE done this. He shouldn't--

He should have listened to his father when he tried to persuade him to have normal hobbies, instead of sitting in his room most of the time, sheltered from the rest of the world and thumbing through the pages of whatever book he decided he would read that day. 

Whatever book it was, it didn't tend to matter because Kardern devoured them all. From classic literature to comic books, he loved them all but perhaps his  favourite genre of the book was romance, he didn't know what drew him into the world of love and all things romance books, maybe it was because it was escapism for him 

Maybe because on some level he worried that he would never have the kind of love that he would read about in books, that kind of epic love. The kind of love that when you meet the right person, and you know that no amount of obstacles can stop you from finding the one that is perfect for you

But real life doesn't work that way and in real life, Kardern Osborn was just a boy. A boy who fancied other boys and often times that didn't lead the way to the epic romance that Kardern wanted and so he resigned himself to just reading about the things he couldn't possibly have on his own 

Then again, a year ago he didn't think he would have friends to call his own 

...Or maybe he was just being an overdramatic eleven-year-old and Kardern should get over himself and focus on school. Still, he couldn't help following Shawn when the boy showed up on his doorstep, begging him to do something and promising him a day that Kardern wouldn't forget

Kardern had hoped that they would've gone to the local bookstore

Instead, they found themselves at the basketball court outside, their already scuffed trainers getting even more scuffed as he dragged his feet onto the asphalt and he spun in a slow circle until Kardern's eye locked onto Shawn's again and he grumbled: "I don't know why I let you talk me into this, Hunter!"

Shawn grinned, not the least bit concerned by Kardern's glare (which he must admit he was impressed by because by now most people knew not to mess with him when he was in a mood) and although he'd heard that line from many people in his life and afterwards he always seems to snap -- living in his head is a lot better than living in the real world, but with Shawn, the sentence was light and teasing  "Live a little Osborn, you need to get out of your head for a bit" 

"I don't know why we can't just go out for milkshakes at Chubbies!"

"We can go for milkshakes after Osborn, I promise"

Kardern shuddered at the promise and how resolute he sounded when he said it. People often say one thing to him and then go and do the complete opposite, was he that unlovable that once people got to see him and his flaws and all,  they decided they didn't like him and then walked away, taking a piece of him as they did. 

It almost broke him to imagine Shawn doing the same thing to him that so many people before him had gone and done -- including his own mother "How do I know that you mean it? Because a lot of people in my life have made promises and yet something always comes along that is better than me and them I'm left picking up the pieces"

"Have I ever let you down before?"

"...No"

"Then I won't start now, come on" A wide grin stretched on his lips and he said those words as if they were the most honest thing that Shawn had ever said and knowing him that could possibly be true. He held a ball in his hands (from where he had got it from Kardern wasn't sure) and threw it at him, Kardern clambered and barely caught the thing "Play ball with me"