the moon (a rini au)

wonder

"the universe takes care of all its birds."

"can you both stop laughing for god sake?" Nini grumbles from the back seat of Madi's car. The girls have been torturing her about this morning. 

The drive to IKEA is quite long, much to Nini's annoyance. They're going to pick up things to decorate the guest rooms for Rowen and Aria, and some sheets and comforters; since Carlos and Seb were both busy getting everything else ready with school applications, legal fostering documents and work, the girls offered to help out. 

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"this is cute" Gina says holding up a No-Face plushie. "I love spirited away" Nini says putting it in the cart. 

"Hey guys, I've got to go, emergency came up, will you guys be okay without the car?" Madi says handing the cart over to Gina.

"yeah of course, is everything okay?" "yeah just a work thing, something happened in the lab, I'll meet everyone at the penthouse tonight"

Madi hugs the girls and then takes off. 

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Gina and Nini spend another hour getting stuff for the girls; though they had some stuff like their devices and certain things, a lot of things had gotten lost over their time in the foster system. 

At around noon they finally finished shopping. "Hey Neens you wanna grab lunch?" 

"sure!"

The pair walks down the road, entering a small restaurant, they were selling pizza by the slice. They place their order and wait by the counter, it only takes a few minutes for them to get their pizza. The shop is very crowded, people keep brushing past them.

Gina notices Nini shifting uncomfortably, the noise and touching in a confined space over-stimulating her. "Hey, c'mon, we can eat the park across road" Gina offers kindly. Nini nods gratefully. They settle on a bench, it's not snowing today but it's pretty cold outside and there's snow from yesterday settled on the ground. 

"Thank you" Nini says, slightly embarrassed. "It's okay you know? it's not your fault Neens" she reassures. "sooooo, you and Ricky"

Nini laughs for a second "oh come on" she groans. "He was naked on your couch this morning Nina, I think the 'just friends' label is getting a little harder to explain" Gi giggles. 

Nini stays quiet, she isn't sure what to say. "EJ talks about it sometimes, the system, how bad his last house before the Caswells was... I know I can't possibly imagine what you've been through or in any way draw conclusions here.. but I'm here, always okay?"

Nini reaches out and holds Gina's hand gently, smiling at her. "I, I don't know what we are.. I don't really know what I feel or want to feel or how any of this works with him"

"you're scared" Gina realizes. "To love him.. and to let him love you.. you're scared"

"among other things.. yeah.. petrified if I'm being honest here; you see how bad it is Gi.. I couldn't even stay in that shop for 15 minutes, past 'boyfriends' haven't exactly been a fan of the hypersensitivity" Nini replies, pausing to to eat for a second.

"as rare as boyfriends have been anyways... and there's the trust.. I get nightmares.. no one really knows about them except Dr. Freedman... I get nightmares and flashbacks.. nightmares that he's hurting me or yelling or my friends hate me.. flashbacks of all the hitting and-.. I just.. it's a lot.. Dr. Freedman says it's normal, and she gives me coping mechanisms which have been helping slightly.. sometimes I have to take prescribed pills to sleep.."

"I'm just... a lot of baggage and I hesitate to bring it up, bring up whatever him and I have because.. it's a lot to take and I don't want that on him.. I can't do 'normal' and I guess I'm scared of him leaving.. not just him.. everyone.. because somehow everyone I love either dies or abuses me or I push them away.. and if I let myself fall for him completely.. that intensifies.."

"but then.. he's him, the guy who fights me in every single class, the guy who's stuck through my past months of crazy, the one who wears my crop tops, puts on nail polish and dances around my apartment and comes over to cook, the guy that holds me without me feeling unsafe... and that makes me want him in my life.. I don't know.." Nini says looking at the ground. 

Gi squeezes her hand for comfort. "hey.. Neens.. we love you.. the past few months this group has turned into.. family.. and you're a very important part of it.. I know that you think of yourself as a burden and that you hate the PTSD and hypersensitivity.. but we aren't annoyed or upset.. it's okay that we have to be patient and it's okay that some things are harder than they normally are.. I have loved getting to know you and being close to you, I've known you almost as long as I've knows EJ which is what? almost two years now?.. you are such an incredible person.. you're clever and talented and you lift people up.."

"and for what it's worth.. he's completely head over heels for you.. and he's careful.. you should have seen the concern this morning when you ran into the bathroom.. he cares.. genuinely actually cares... and Neens.. I haven't seen you this happy in ages.. it's not selfish to love him.. just because you can survive on your own doesn't mean you should have to"

"you Miss Nina Salazar Roberts deserve so so much" Gi finishes, smiling big at Nini. Nini hugs her tight for a moment. They spend the rest of the afternoon in the park, talking to EJ, Frankie and Ezra on video call as Gina fills them on the morning despite of Nini trying to hide the details, till Nini takes a cab to the diner for her shift and EJ picks Gina and the stuff up so they can go to the penthouse and help set everything.

Nini feels at peace. 

"my head swirls on this, but then softer thoughts soothe, like a flatted third on a major chord. no, no, it's not all random, if it really was all random, the universe would abandon us completely. and the universe doesn't. it takes care of its most fragile creations in ways we can't see. like with parents who adore you blindly. and a big sister who feels guilty for being human over you. and a little gravelly-voiced kid whose friends have left him over you. and even a pink-haired girl who carries your picture in her wallet. maybe it is a lottery, but the universe makes it all even out in the end. the universe takes care of all its birds."― R.J. Palacio, Wonder