Where Have You Been? - Ponyboy x Reader

"The ghost of 'what could've been'." - Chpt. 10

2nd Person PoV

You stirred awake. The room filled with sounds of roaring wind thrashing against your house. It whistled gracefully while knocking around trash bins and branches. For an instant, Ponyboy was next to you, in the bed. An illusion your brain created due to familiarity. It was a brief oblivion that you didn't know you missed until it cleared. Disappointment and disenchantment set in. Your brain scattered, trying to pick up the mess of the unresolved feelings laid to rest. The thoughts were unwanted. You didn't want to deal with these feelings in your state of drowsiness. It'd only result in tears and inconsolable loneliness.

With a lift of Sodapop's arm, you climbed out of bed. A glass of water would suffice as a temporary fix. You dragged yourself into the hallway, already unsettled by the bright light flowing from the bathroom. The door was slightly ajar, so you gave it a little push with your fingers. Standing there with his hands in his hair, was the problem himself.

"What are you doing? It's the middle of the night." You asked the boy while rubbing the stars out of your eyes.

"Couldn't sleep, but I figured you might'a had some of that fancy face soap in here. It's real refreshin' so I thought it'd help." Ponyboy said, looking you up and down. The elephant in the room stood tall and wide. You didn't know what to say or do. He left you completely disoriented.

"Oh, uh - I should have some in the cabinet." He didn't move right away. His eyes stayed drawn to you, fixated on your face. You just stared back, signaling for him to hurry up and do it. He eventually caught on, following your directions and pulling the hunky bottle onto the counter. There was an magnetic force with every step closer to him. You couldn't tell if it was pulling or pushing. Were you opposites, or alike?

"I just came in for some water. Pass me that cup?" You motioned for the object sitting on his corner of the sink, to which he slid over with ease. Words couldn't properly express what you were feeling. You wanted to throw everything in reach, trash the bathroom, and make an unnecessary amount of noice, only to spend hours cleaning it with him. He longed for you; for a make up with a hug and kiss, ending with you snuggled into his chest as you slept. Pain festered endlessly between you.

He squirted the face-wash into his hand while you filled the cup. You noticed him glance over, opening his mouth to speak but hesitant. You thought about it, and remembered.

'He always uses a headband.'

He felt like he'd already done enough, pestering you for little things would be shitty. While he was trying to figure out a solution, you fetched a cheetah print headband from the drawer and placed it in front of him.

"Thank you."

"No problem."

He looked to his hands and came to another obstacle. How could he put it on?

"Do you need help?" You asked.

"I mean, I don't wanna be a bother." He muttered, unsure of how to go about it.

"Come." He moved in close, allowing you to slip the tight fabric over his head as you'd done the times before. It was a somber moment. The ghost of 'what could've been' loomed around the room. He cleaned his face while you stood and watched, sipping from the cup.

"What time is it?" You regretted asking, as you were still mad at him.

"Around three or so." He dried his face with a towel, turned to face you. You averted your gaze and returned to your cold demeanor.

"Hey, uh - I'm real sorry. You know I'd never mean to hurt you. I regretted it as soon as you left. You had somethin' to say and I missed it. You don't have to forgive me or nothin' but do you still want to tell me?" He spoke quietly, but it was clear. You wanted to pretend you didn't hear it, like it never even happened. Though the look on your face was a dead giveaway. What you were  originally going to tell him held no truth to it anymore; an empty admission.

"Oh, it doesn't matter. I was just bein' dumb. Give me time and things will get back to normal." You kept your answer short and precise. He was hurt knowing he had ruined things, but held out hope for repairing your friendship.

"I understand. Thank you." You gave him a nod as he walked out of the bathroom. The voices in your head were screaming. The quietest one somehow made the most noise.

'What if I had just told him?'

Ponyboy silently stormed into the guest bedroom, plopping down next to Johnny with his hands on his head. Johnny stirred a bit, cracking an eye open out of curiosity.

"What are you doing man?" He croaked while half-awake.

"(Y/n) said somethin' when we was fightin', I just can't wrap my head around it. I accused her of likin' Sodapop, and she started protesting, sayin' things like, 'if only you knew,' and 'I didn't wanna to tell you like this,' and now I can't stop thinkin' about it. I asked her but she told me it doesn't matter now. What does it all mean?" Johnny groaned and sat up, ready to give Pony a good smack.

"Are you kiddin' me? Grow a brain Ponyboy! She was gonna tell you she liked you." The lovestruck boy did a double take.

"Ah shit! You're probably right. I blew it Johnny. What do I do?" He placed his hand to his chest, struggling to breathe as his heart pounded.

"Well she already liked you once. She could do it again. Maybe she'd give you a second chance. You gotta show her you're worth it." Johnny advised him.

"You're so smart Johnny. Boy, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Probably drown or somethin'. Now, go to bed. Darry would kill ya for bein' up this late." Johnny sunk back into bed, as Ponyboy did the same with his newfound determination.

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this chapter is written awfully, but i think the premise is important. i might rewrite it tomorrow honestly. also excuse how short it is, i want this book to have a lot of chapters so im gonna try my hardest not to over-write. i hope everyone's having a good winter break!!!!

word count: 1087