The Affair

Chapter 4

JUNE

It's a warm day. Not too hot, the sun shining, and blue skies. There are children playing in the park, men and women running, couples picnicking, and a lot of people walking the same way I am. I smoke a cigarette and take my time as I keep an eye out for her. I'm almost to her side of the park.

I know the chance of "bumping into her" is slight because she could have plans today, not feel like going out at all, or just not be a fan of walking around this park. I have no idea. But here I am, taking my first walk around this park, hoping to see her. It's beautiful and I make a note to bring my sister and niece for a walk at some point during their visit.

Another week has passed without a word between us. Going back and forth and pretending like I don't care and wanting to seek her out has led to this compromise. Attempting to see her by chance, so I don't have to really do anything, or look desperate, is the only compromise I can allow myself to make.

Why is it so hard to just fucking give in and call her? What am I afraid of?

I know what I'm afraid of.

Rejection, heartbreak, pain. Things a lot of people fear. I don't want to admit that I'm afraid of anything, it's hard to swallow, but it shouldn't be this hard to simply call someone. It's not like I'm asking her to fucking marry me.

I just want to take her virginity. If she hasn't lost it already to someone else. And I couldn't say I blame her if she did that. Eventually she'll have to do something. She's too young to be saddled to some impotent man for the rest of her life, to never know sexual pleasure. It would be such a shame.

I almost have to do a double take when I see her. She's walking in the grass at my right, cutting across a long stretch of greenery. I stop and wait for her to see me.

When she does see me she does her own double take, smiles, and stops when she reaches me. The sun is so bright that she squints up at me and I do the same down to her. I think of kissing her right here, not caring who sees us.

"Benjamin... hi."

I search her face, taking in how beautiful she looks, before I respond.

"Hi."

We both smile and I notice she's carrying a book in her hand. A closer look shows that it's the one I signed two weeks ago for her.

"You're finishing a walk? Or just starting one?"

"Finishing."

"Hm. And you did some reading?"

She glances down at it, her cheeks flushed when she looks back to me, and nods.

"Yes. I have a place I like to go."

"Here in the park?"

"Mm-hm. It's secluded and quiet. A good place to read."

"You'll have to show me where it is sometime."

"I'd like that," she says quietly.

"I look forward to it."

We stand in silence for a moment before I lean in and kiss both of her cheeks. I restrain myself from kissing her mouth. I want to ask her to show me that place now if she's got the time. Just to be near her and spend time in her presence, be alone, talk, but I can't bring myself to say that.

"I'll let you get home since you've finished your walk. Goodbye."

She clears her throat as I walk away.

"Benjamin?"

"Yes?"

"I... I could show you now if you have the time."