The Affair

Chapter 24

It's been a week since I've seen her.

In that time I have decided to leave New York and go back to London, where I'll stay full time. I can't live in such a close vicinity to her, I've realized that much more after seeing her again. It was a dark week, I didn't get out of bed much, and drank the days away for the most part.

It's a cool, Sunday afternoon. The moving crew I've hired is packing boxes and wrapping furniture as I sit in my office. They're chattering amongst each other in very loud, thick New York accents. I'm smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer as I clear my desk out.

But knocking at the open front door interrupts me. It's the postal service with a package. I hesitate signing for it because it's from Hugh's publishing company and I know it has to be her book. After I've signed for it I go back into my office, toss it onto my desk, and stare at it.

My heart is racing as I finish my beer. That bitter feeling that's never really left me has intensified, I'm glaring at the brown packaging with disgust, and quickly grab it. I turn it over slowly in my hands before I rip the top off. It's a hardcover book, not too thick, with not much weight to it. It's quite small, really. But the cover takes me by surprise and I have to close my eyes. It's our bench, our spot, but it's not at the same time. This picture has been edited well to make it look as if it's dilapidated and falling apart.

Why would she choose that place to be the cover? To wound me further? Of all the things she could use as her cover, she chooses this?

I hesitate, then open it. First, I see her signature, and she's written a small note to me.

Please read this, Benjamin. It would mean a lot to me. More than you know. T. Pancheck

Then I see the dedication.

For B. You inspired me to write this. I love you.

B? Must be her new lover. Seeing that makes me feel unbelievably bitter, more so than before. I close the book and toss it back onto my desk. I go into the kitchen and get another beer. The movers have been drinking it, too, as I offered it to them when they started. I would likely be drinking whiskey right now if it hadn't already been packed up.

Why the fuck would she encourage me to read a book dedicated to the new man she's fucking? What is wrong with her? Did I really treat her so badly that I deserve this? I know I was jealous and could be mean at times, but fuck. And how could she do that when she's still married to Hugh? What does he think of that?

Still, I flip through it. It's entirely in first person, from the point of view of a woman, named Thea. But that's as far as I get before I toss it into the trash. I know I would die before I'll read it because of the simple fact that she's asked me to. It would mean a lot to her and I'll be damned if I'm going to do a fucking thing for her. She can fuck right off with Hugh and whoever B is.

I try to continue on with what I was doing before the book came, but can't do it, so I decide to go out for a drink. I've frequented a nice bar a few blocks from my building for about a year now and go there. It's crowded with far too many people, just as the street outside is, and I sit at an empty place at the bar.

I order whiskey and try my best not to think of her or her book. It's in the trash so I don't really need to think about it anymore. And after I've left I can start to put her behind me for good. I should have done that as soon as she ended things.

"Excuse me, is this seat taken, Mr. Maddox?"

My brow furrows and I don't look to that voice for a moment. When I do, I do it slowly. It's Anya with a small smile on her face and I'm hesitant to return it. After I've motioned at the empty stool she sits down and orders a glass of wine.