The Affair

Chapter 7

Theodora's POV

It's difficult to stop my tears.

I feel used and unbelievably hurt. Beyond that, I'm an adulterer now. Even thinking of the words he said makes me cringe, tightly close my eyes, and twists the muscles in my stomach. I'd expected him to say something along those lines, something I'm sure so many other women have heard, but I wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly after our lovemaking. I didn't expect him to be that cold so quickly.

And what was it all for? I've cheated on my husband, who's never done anything except love me and take care of me. I've cheated with a man who couldn't care less for me. A womanizer. I'd begun to think he was feeling something for me... but I was so wrong.

I nurse my glass of wine and stare out of the windows. I sit here often now, staring across the park at his building, but I can't see it very clearly as rain begins to strike the glass. It's a comforting sound and it goes right along with the tears that continue to fall. Every thought of him, of our night together, makes me ache in that way only he's made me ache. Each kiss, touch, movement we shared... it's all too much. I feel as if I have a fever, I lose my breath, and run a hand through my hair.

Our door buzzer begins to go off, interrupting my thoughts. I think it can't be him, there's no way, but I don't know who else it could be. It's nearly midnight. I'm nervous as I make the long walk across our apartment to the door.

"Yes?"

"A Benjamin Maddox to see you, ma'am?"

"Send him up."

I don't hesitate, but I don't know how I'm going to face him. I look like hell, I can feel how swollen my face is, and I'm dressed as casually as I have ever been in his presence. I shouldn't care after what he said. But I do. I glance down at the shirt I wear, one of Hugh's dress shirts that he left hanging on our closet door, and lift it up. I'm wearing the same panties I wore at his place.

When he knocks I hesitate now, then open it. I turn away so that he can't see me, walk away from him, hear the door close, and the sound of his footsteps behind me.

What is he doing here? Why would he come here after what he said? He made it perfectly clear how he felt.

I go back to where I was before, pull my knees to my chest, and stare out at the rain again. His footsteps stop beside of me and I close my eyes when he places his hand on my shoulder. The gentle squeeze he gives sends a shock wave through me that stops between my legs. I try to fight it and I can't and it confuses me. He hurt me immensely, how can I still want him this way?

"Look at me, Theodora."

His voice is so quiet, that accent mellifluous, such a sweet sound that I've come to adore. I don't think I've ever liked the sound of anyone's voice quite as much. Not even my own husbands. But he isn't British, he has the smallest twang, and is incredibly soft spoken. I still can't bring myself to look at him.

I don't have to. He does it for me, grabbing me by the chin, and turning my head so that I can't look anywhere else but at him. As he lowers himself onto the floor I force myself not to cry again. It was hard enough not to sob in front of him in his bedroom. I'm sure I look like hell. He wipes my tears away with his thumbs, slowly, and I try not to think of how good his hands felt on me earlier. They're so strong and warm, manly, but there's no point in dwelling on them. I doubt I'll ever get to feel them like that on my body again.

"What I said... it was terribly insensitive. And I'm sorry."

I sigh and shake my head.

"Let's just forget this happened, Benjamin. It was a mistake. That's obvious."