Kill for your love

One

I wasn't like him.

He was... beyond anything I can explain. I don't know what made him so special to me. It wasn't always this way.

It was hard not to compare myself with him. After all, we were partners since the beginning, and he was always better than me.

He was faster, stronger, and sharper than everyone else. Having an amazing ability to notice everything made him outrageous. He could in the blink of an eye feel when something was off. He watches the slightest movements - the change in breath, trembling fingers, even shivers. He could see right through you.

It's like he had reverberations that predicted the future.

I was sitting on the wooden floor, knees to my chest.

What's taking them so long...

It was the first time Juuzou asked me to stay home. I never thought I would agree, but he has this effect on me. I know he tries to protect, but he should know better than this. He knows I'm the safest with him.

It was the night of the Auction Sweep operation. The target of this operation was no other than Big Madam. I wanted to be there with him, so desperately. To face the one who caused him so much anguish.

To kill her personally.

But three days before the operation, he asked me to back down.

"You trust me, right?" And with his soft grin, I couldn't say anything.

"I hate... being away... from you..." I whispered under my breath, my eyes looking away. It wasn't professional, but it was the truth. And he knew it.

"Just this one little thing" He promised. He didn't tell me why and didn't talk to me afterward about it. The next day he told me to stay home and told everyone I was deadly sick.

Around 5 am I could hear the door open.

I get up and run downstairs.

"Thank god," I say quietly when I see them walking in.

"Oh, y/n - san! Why are you up this late? In your condition, you should get back to bed." Mizuro said. They were all sullied in dirt and blood.

"How do you feel, y/n san?" Hanbee asks me worriedly.

"Better... I just needed to see you all came back safely." I try to catch Juuzou's eyes but he is too busy taking off the dress he was fighting with.

"Are you doubting us?" Mizuro smiles.

"It was...fine. We shell all go and rest now. It was a long fight" Nakarai says.

"Right" I nod. For a moment I caught Juuzou's big crimson eyes. His hair is so messy. He looks at me blankly, and I frown.

I know this look. The same look when our mentor told him he would be sad if he lost him before our last fight. The look when seeing him in that hospital bed, inanimate.

It was the look when he couldn't understand his emotions. After so much emotional damage, a few emotions are still... unfamiliar to him. Like sorrow or anxiety, or grief.

But no one couldn't avoid all feelings. They were there, deep inside. I could reach them sometimes.

He notices the change in my face and smiles at me, tilting his head just a bit.

***

After big operations like this one, there is usually a meeting and a discussion about the details. The CCG announced a promotion ceremony, meaning all participants are getting a raise.