Pure Trust | Lo'ak Sully (DISCONTINUED)

IX.

Words: 1346
Warnings: None

...

"I don't want to talk to him Reya, you can tell him that." I forced her to let go of my arm and began to go back.

...

I just walked ignoring everything around me, it even felt that everything just stopped to let me have some piece but as I started to slow down all the noises came back.
I looked back to see if Tsireya was still following me yet fortunately, she wasn't.

I couldn't hold it anymore, I was denying it. I was denying it because I would've felt weak. I had to admit it, not to everyone; admitting it to myself was enough.

Maybe I was starting to trust Lo'ak.

Something that I've never hoped to happen just did, and I didn't even realize it until the end. How could I be so blind? How couldn't I stop it?
Was it because of me? Was it because of him?

Unwanted questions started to raise to the surface again. I just began crying, the cold tears rolling down my cheeks felt so unknown; I don't even remember when was the last time I cried.
I was letting it all out, I had other problems that added to this pressure, and the vase I was holding just broke.

I wanted to hate him, to despise him, that's what I wanted to do since from the start, so why is it so hard to hate him?
Why is it so hard to accept the fact that he isn't interested in me as he said?

Perhaps I still believed those words he said to me when we were alone. Maybe I expected too much from the fate, that I was blinded to the point where I ended up being hurt.
All those nights and all those days waiting for that special someone to trust with my whole life were wasted.

I was waiting because I was being careful, I seriously was.

I wanted to look at him and tell him how I felt but that wasn't possible anymore, everything was ruined because of one phrase.
The phrase that I was afraid of hearing but I didn't even know I could be scared of something like that.

At least I had found a flaw, an imperfection. I had found a reason to avoid him; just like I wished to.

The only thing that could comfort me now was that the Tulkuns were returning soon, and our sisters and brothers will be with us again.
I could speak to my spirit sister after all this time and I could tell her about how I felt.

I sobbed quietly thinking about seeing her again, I don't know if they were tears of joy or tears of sadness, I just cried.
I sat down under a tree trying to stop the tears from flowing, I couldn't let anyone see how I was right now.

How could I explain it to them? Nobody wouldn't understand it, they can't.

I hugged my knees to my chest and hid my face between them. I finally began calming down.
But as fate desires, someone was coming my way.
I raised my head a bit, just to show my eyes but hiding my nose and mouth.

It was Tsireya.

I still couldn't look at her, I was too embarrassed to even do that. She silently sat next to me and watched me comfortingly, she put a hand on my back trying to reassure me.
"Is that what he really said?" she asked, I just hummed nodding "Please just talk to him." she nearly begged me.

"Have you talked to him?" I questioned almost whispering "Yes, I did. But I'm not telling you what he said. You have to talk to him, even if it hurts." she said stroking my back.
"I don't know Tsireya, I need some space right now." I explained watching the other way "I understand, but please come with me, you can ignore him. I just don't want to leave you here alone while you're so vulnerable."

I reluctantly agreed and took her hand following her to the place we were before.

This is going to be difficult.

...

It's been four days, and for all this time; I've been trying my best to avoid Lo'ak as much as I can.
He still tried to talk to me multiple times, he even searched for physical contact but I always looked the other way.

However, he was always close to making me talk to him. I know I had to at one point, but it was never the right time.
It never is the right time to talk to Lo'ak, there are so many things I wanted to say to him, but finding the right moment is apparently impossible.

Still, fate helped us and it looked like we both finally found the right time, the perfect moment to just talk.

We were alone at the beach far from the village, I was behind Lo'ak standing whilst he was sitting on the soft sand.
"So you finally want to talk to me." Lo'ak spoke first and by his voice, he seemed kind of upset.
"I guess, but I wanted to talk to you for a long time." I sat beside him slowly "It's just that I don't know how to talk with you."

He scratched his neck, he wanted to say something but was containing himself, a heavy atmosphere fell upon us.
It's not easy to talk about my feelings in general but for some reason, it was even more difficult to talk about them with him.

"If.." he started "If it makes you more comfortable, Tsireya already talked to me." I knew that "She talked to me about your trusting situation."

I didn't know that.

She just told him, I was about to feel angry at her but then I realized that it's better this way, with him knowing.

"I know, it's kind of stupid." I commented "No, not at all, I get it. It's not easy to trust everyone." I took a quick glance at him "So you know about my 'special someone' situation?" I asked and he smiled awkwardly "Yeah.."

I sighed, now that he knew, I didn't have to explain it to him but it honestly didn't help "Are you thinking of Tsireya right now?" I whisper loud enough for the boy next to me to hear "What?" he raised an eyebrow "Do you think about Tsireya a lot?" I reformulated my question.

"Why would I think about her? I'm talking to you now." he says confused "So why did you talk to Payakan about her?" it was so childish to be mad at something like this "Payakan? You mean the lonely Tulkun?" I nod to him, he just chuckled.

"I talked about her to him because Tsireya explained to me what Tulkuns were, so I just thought she would've liked to see the one I befriended since she talked about it with such excitement. Nothing more." he explained, now I just felt even more stupid.

All this time I thought he had eyes only for Tsireya "But even when you first came here, you just looked at her." I could hear his heart stop.
"Now this is kind of embarrassing.." he said looking away flushing "I just looked at her because I didn't have the courage to look at you." he confessed quietly. I nearly couldn't hear him.

That shocked me more than I thought it would and I just covered my mouth with my hand, eyes wide looking anywhere but in his direction. My other hand was almost touching his, I swear I felt like my heart was about to burst.

"I can't believe it.." I sighed shakily not knowing what to say, he turned to gaze at me, his half-lidded eyes were observing me and he was trying to hide his blushing from embarrassment "Did you forget it? I said I wanted to know you Y/N. And when I say something like that, I mean it." he sounded disappointed.

"I want to be with you." he confessed.

...

A/N: We finally got the confession!! So so so excited to give you all this chapter, I want you to enjoy every second of this fanfic and I hope I'm being successful ^^ and happy new year guys !!
Hope you enjoyed and stay safe <33