Silent Secrets ||A Byler Story||

Chapter twenty-five

A week later Jonathan took Will downtown to find a suit to go to the dance with.  Much to Wills protesting, Jonathan insisted on it so they could spend some time together.

Jonathan parked the car and the two boys got out and walked down the sidewalk next to a bunch of shops.

"I know the perfect place."  Jonathan said as they continued walking.

"I can just wear the one I have at home."  Will repeats. 

"You should have a different one then that one.  Besides I would rather be here then just sit at home."  Jonathan says as they turned down the street. 

"Still."  Will muttered.

"So does this mean you and Mike are official?"  He smirks.  Wills Face goes red.

"Jonathan!"  He complains.  His brother laughs at him.

"I'm being serious!"  He continues to laugh.

"No we aren't official."  Will says.  "I'm not sure if we ever will be."

"I think you will be."  Jonathan says confidently.  "Maybe he'll ask you at the dance."

"Maybe."  Will mutters in agreement.

The boys walk into the clothes shop and immediately walk over to the suit section.

"When is the dance?"  Jonathan asks as they look through the different suits.

"Friday."  Will says.

"Are you guys gonna meet up at the school or is he coming over to our house before or are you going over to his house before?"  Jonathan asks while pulling a suit off the rack.  He showed Will, who shakes his head.  Jonathan puts the suit back.

"He's coming over to our house before, mom said she'll bring us."  Will grabs a suit.  "I'm going to go try this on."

Jonathan nods and Will walks over to the changing room.  He locks the door and gets changed into the suit. 

He looked in the mirror at himself.

"Faggot." 

He heard the familiar voice he hated in the back of his head.  He closed his eyes and he felt his hands go into fists.

This happened often.  He would hear his father's voice in the back of his head.  It never happened out in public and now he didn't know what to do.

"It looks awful on you, just like everything else does."  The voice continues.  Will knew his father wasn't really there, but he couldn't help but shake his head violently and he sat down on the bench.

"It's your fault I'm dead!" The voice got louder, "it should have been you!  The world doesn't need you, nobody does!  It would be better off for everyone if you were dead, just like me!"

"Stop."  Will was crying now, unable to stop the voice in his head.  "Please!"  He sobs quietly while putting his hands over his ears.

"Like Mike actually likes you, it was probably all just a prank, a dare, or a bet.  Because no one.  No one would ever like a faggot like you."  The voice said harshly.  Will was shaking now, crying harder than before.

"Leave me alone!"  Will cries more.  The voice stops as there's a knock on the door.

"Will?  Are you okay?"  Jonathan asks in a worried tone.  He had obviously heard Will crying. 

Will quickly changed back into his previous clothes, a green hoodie and dark blue jeans with a white t-shirt. 

He wipes his face off and takes a deep breath before exiting the changing room.  Jonathan looks at him worriedly.

"You alright?"  He asks.  Will nods.

"The suit doesn't fit."  He lied. 

"I picked a few out, you can look through them."

"Thank you."  Will smiles and trades suits with him.  Jonathan gives him about seven suits to try on.

He goes back into the room and tries on the suits.  He tries on the first one, the sleeves were to long.  The second one had a collar that made Will annoyed.  The third option was alright, he kinda liked it. 

He decided he didn't need to try on the rest of them.  He grabbed all of them and gave them back to Jonathan.  He changed back into his normal clothes and met his brother at the front of the store.

Jonathan paid for the suit and they walked back to the car.

"We didn't have to do this you know.  I mean you didn't have to spend your money on me."  Will says while feeling guilty.  That's how he was.  He felt guilty when anyone did anything for him.

"I know I didn't have to, I wanted to Will.  So don't worry about it."  Jonathan smiles as they both get into the car.

"Is Mike spending the night tonight?"  Jonathan asks him.  Will sighs.

"No.  His mom said he's been spending to much time away from his house."  Will says, clearly upset.  His brother smiles apologetically.

"Well she's not exactly wrong.  You two have been spending a lot of time together."  Jonathan points out.  Will sighs again.

"Yeah I know it's just...I've gotten attached to him.  It feels like I can't live without him.  I get so sad and anxious when he's not around me.  Whenever he talks to someone else without me I feel worried.  I feel like he's going to stop being close to me one day and I'm scared the more he's away from me he'll start to feel like that more.  I mean I don't think you'll understand.  I don't think anyone understands actually."  He says quietly.  Jonathan nods.

"I don't know exactly what your feeling because the thing you have with Mike is special.  But back in the city I couldn't live without you.  It felt like I couldn't live without you.  So when we came to Hawkins and suddenly you made all these friends and you were fine with going to school it was...it was hard for me.  I didn't want you to grow up and forget about me, forget about us and the bond we had back in the city.  But, that's not how life works.  I realized that no matter how much i wanted it, you were going to have a life that didn't involve me being in it all the time.  So no, I don't know exactly what you're feeling.  But I can give you this advice, it won't be the last time you see him.  He'll always care about you and he'll never forget about you."  Jonathan admits while staring at the road.  Will looks at him in shock.  He never knew any of this about his older brother and he was shocked to learn it. 

"I think I'll always need you Jonathan."  Was all he could say quietly.  Jonathan smiles.

"I'll always need you too."

***

Word Count: 1,110
Date Published: 12/31/22