"A thanks to all my tears
Who were always there in my darkest times when I was alone."
This book is not about my pathetic pitied self. Perhaps that's all they'll ever see me as, perhaps they'll always assume that I was the victim. Perhaps this will...
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Before I dated Reece, I used to pray at least three times a day. Reece was an atheist, but that didn't affect either of us.
Now, I don't as much as even think of God. I had just put all my faith in one person; myself. I would go all like, 'come on Christiana!' or 'please Christiana!'
I had learned to believe in myself and no one else.
I had changed.
Highschool started. Our high school had students from two different junior highs, so, I made a lot of new friends. A lot of friends were nice. Earlier, those who envied me treated me normally, and so did those who admired me. It was a huge relief that I was treated as just a regular student most of the time.
I was getting straight 'A's in all the subjects. My new friend, Josepha, had caught me once almost slicing my wrist. I had become very less suicidal after the conversation I had with her following those events.
I had a bad time processing grief, and the fact that I was over emotional didn't help a single bit.
Josepha was a nice person, she just explained to me a thousand reasons why Reese wasn't worth it. She didn't get it, though. Despite the fact that he wasn't worth it, he drove me crazy enough to do crazy things.
Crazy things like killing myself.
I am not sure where my compasses went after that day. But I was grateful towards her for that.
I was grateful towards her from stopping me from killing myself.
I had a lot more to do, a lot more to achieve in life.
A month passed with things getting settled. I was in all advanced classes, and slowly, I started finding things that mattered other than Reece.
I was never ugly or unattractive, but I never gave any boy any attention until then.
The fact that a blond girl was smarter than them, played with the ego of several boys. And the best way to get to the boys was using their arrogance.
A flirty remark here, a thousand compliments there, and a wink every time my answer was right and theirs wasn't.
All I did the next three months was date and play.
I never let it go too far, but I never let a week go by without any dates.
There was this guy named Shawn that I went on a date with. He was a decent guy, highly arrogant though, but handsome and sweet nonetheless. We didn't go much further than that. Just one date, but it was fun.
Then there was Beethoven. His father was a pianist, hence the name. He was legit the most modest guy I had ever met. He was sweet, and appreciated me too much. We went out for two weeks before we decided we were good as friends. I don't regret that decision. He was nice, he was caring, he was handsome. But I didn't have any feelings and I didn't want to hurt him.
