"A thanks to all my tears
Who were always there in my darkest times when I was alone."
This book is not about my pathetic pitied self. Perhaps that's all they'll ever see me as, perhaps they'll always assume that I was the victim. Perhaps this will...
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Reece called me a little before dinner that night. I was expecting some mega confrontation from him but he completely ignored that matter, like nothing had happened. It was like he was provoking me on purpose. How could he do that?
He wanted to play with fire? I'd give him fire.
I brought up Mathews twice, and he acted dumb. He had the audacity to act dumb.
Dumb people.
He kept the topic focused on studies. How could he be so frustrating? So annoying? So damn self-centered?
No, he wasn't self-centered. Just because we only talked about him, didn't mean we never talked about me. We talked about me too sometimes.
He wasn't self-centered.
I had to report our entire conversation to Josepha. She needed word to word report of everything we talked about. Then she'd nod and analyze every word and would always conclude and say: he likes you.
I had stopped believing her.
It was too easy to believe, but very hard to believe wholeheartedly. It was easy for her to say those words but she didn't know how deep those words cut sometimes.
She believed but she did not know Reece like I did.
I had seen him take his little sister to carnivals and get tattoos she liked, I had seen him smile at me every time I had a panic attack in the class, I had seen him do good things secretively, I had seen him run from taking credit, I had seen him take pain without sharing it with anyone.
And all of it might just seem nothing, but it meant a lot.
He was a softie with a strong hard icing. You just had to know when and how to open him up.
I didn't just love him for no reason. I loved him cause he was the sweetest elder brother I had ever seen, I loved cause he was the best boyfriend I could have asked for, and he was definitely one of my best friends. He was the sweetest guy ever.
On the call, Reece seemed worried about a chapter of biology. I wasn't surprised by it. Biology was the last thing he was interested in.
"You want me to bring my notes?"
"No it's fine, you can just send me the photos."
Click photos of 39 pages? Not a chance.
"Don't worry, I am done with that chapter anyway. You can give them back later."
"Thanks." He spoke in a heavy voice that made my heart thud. He rarely thanked people. He wasn't a bad person, he was just very much not into being open to people. I knew he felt like thanking someone or using kind words to them made him vulnerable. But what I'd learned about Reece in all the time I'd known him was that making extensive fun of you and talking nonsense with you was his way of opening up to you. That was just how he showed his feelings. And if you were observant enough, you'd be able to see through all the nonsense what he actually felt.
