It Took a Little Time (Levi Ackerman x Black OC)

Chapter 28

Trigger Warning: mentions of miscarriage, surrogate, adopting.

If those topics make you uncomfortable you can skip this chapter.

-Simone

"Are... you okay?"

I nodded. "I've come to terms with it," I said just barely above a whisper.

Have you though?

Yes.

Finally.

I sighed and unconsciously gripped Levi's shirt a little tighter. We were currently in bed and snuggled together.

After we returned from my sister's baby shower, I cried more; Levi's been holding me ever since trying to comfort me. His chin is resting on part of my forehead as he lay on his back with a secure arm around my waist and me on my side facing him.

Levi was still a little awkward and stiff when it came to him comforting me, but the thought and effort counted. He was trying and that's all I could ask for.

"Am I happy about it? No, but..."

I felt him look down at me after I didn't continue. "But?"

"Because my body can't handle pregnancy and I would have an even higher probability of dying if I were to successfully carry a child, I decided to have some of my eggs frozen so.... maybe in the future...," You could give me your sperm and with that, we'd use it to have a child.

Yeah, that's not weird to say.

Don't say that to him.

At least not like that. Word it differently.

"You'd have someone else carry your child," Levi concluded, sparing me from saying something stupid and embarrassing myself.

"Yeah. A surrogate. I haven't researched it much, but it is an option for me. As well as adopting."

"Adopting?"

"Yep! As many as I can. The foster system is horrible and sets kids up to fail. Of course, there are good foster homes and foster parents, but the bad ones overshadow the good ones. If I could make three or even ten kids, feel like they finally have a home, and that there are good people out in the world who care about them, then I will."

It was hard to face the reality of the fact that I couldn't have a child the 'normal' way. Society has this stigma that women who don't want kids or can't have kids, are less than women who can and want to have them.

There's a reason why I kept all this to myself. I didn't want people to talk about me that way, but that all went out the window today.

"That wouldn't make you any less of a mom," Levi said interrupting my thoughts. "Getting a surrogate or adopting."

I playfully hit his stomach. "Stop reading my mind."

"Ash I'm serious."

I changed positions and moved up so I was now at eye level with him as he removed his arm from around me.

"I know you're serious and I promise I don't think that way now, but I did at first."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

I bit my lip and looked away from him for a moment.

"Because having a kid was something I wanted. I wanted that experience of being pregnant and seeing my body change and... just feel what that felt like because I was robbed of that choice I didn't want the people around me to feel sorry for me. Pity me for something out of my control. I also didn't want people to talk about me negatively. I've seen plenty of comments online left from men and women about people who can't or won't have kids and... it's hurtful. I thought it would be better to keep it to myself."

Silence fell between us as Levi looked like he wanted to say something else to me so I stayed quiet, letting him take his time.

While I waited, it allowed me to stare at him as he looked down. His long eyelashes fanned his cheeks, his hair neat as always, the scar over his eye, light and faded.

Levi was truly beautiful in every way possible.

"I meant what I said before," I blinked at him, "about you being a great mom," he finished.

I smiled. "Just like I think you'll be a great dad."

His eyes widened and his cheeks flushed. "I-I don't think so."

"Mmmm I don't know. You seemed to do good with Journey. She took a liking to you pretty fast," I teased and poked his cheek.

Levi huffed and looked away from me. "I guess."

"Have you ever thought about having kids?"

"At first no. I knew I didn't want any. I wasn't even sure if I was going to survive a mission and... at the time I wouldn't want to get someone pregnant only to die because then the baby would be left without a father. But now, I don't know. I'm... not opposed to the idea. I don't think... I would ever be ready."

"I feel the same honestly, but I don't think anyone is ever ready to be a parent. I know I'm not, but I have an idea as to how I want to parent."

Levi looked at me confused. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I know that I don't want to spank my kids or yell at them when they do something bad because they're kids. They're still learning and won't know they did something wrong unless you tell them and explain why what they did was bad. I want my kids to be able to be comfortable enough with me to where they can tell me absolutely anything because I didn't have that. Things like that."

"I see."

I nodded. "I'll cross that bridge when I get there. Like I said I haven't done much research on surrogates, but I will when the time is right."

"How will you know when the time is right?"

I shrugged, a small smile on my face. "I just will."