moon dust, stars in your eyes

waxing gibbous pt 2

Jungkook

☽

Jungkook had been told throughout the years that night was the mother of the council, but he had learned the hard way that it wasn't the case.

He was used to listening to continuous resentful words, yelling, and high levels of anxiety. It has been like that for as long as he can remember. When he would run away to Soobin's home during the most awful nights, his best friend would always have soothing words ready for Jungkook to hear.

And even though they were just kids, young and couldn't understand much of the world, both knew those words were empty, hopeless promises, yet it still made Jungkook feel better, just knowing there was a slight possibility, thinking of the concept of tomorrow getting better. He kept going. He kept on hoping.

It had never gotten better.

This time it was no different. Soobin had told Jungkook he and Taehyung would find a way to work around the misunderstandings standing in the way of a potentially good friendship, and Jungkook believed him still. He was still trying to figure out why falling apart with Taehyung made him feel that awful. It wasn't like he and Taehyung had ever had something going on, not even the beginning of a friendship, as everything that happened between them was a struggle for both. It felt forced and unnatural, and the more time passed, the more Jungkook realized he should have backed off when he had the chance.

Yet it was as if Jungkook wanted to go against the odds, he wanted to get closer to Taehyung, to get to know him. His personality was fascinating to a concerning degree, and as much as Jungkook knew it was not going to do any good to either of them to get closer, he couldn't help himself.

And with the way the previous night had ended, there wasn't much left to say or to do. Except forpretending.

They went to sleep without exchanging one word. It wasn't a surprise for Jungkook, Taehyung was stubborn, he was vicious, even more so when he was right about something. Undoubtedly, he was right to a certain extent, but Jungkook didn't share his opinion. He simply couldn't just find that common ground, the silver lining, they were coming from two different worlds, and what seemed to be the end of the world for one, appeared to be just an exaggeration for the other.

And so many things happened way too fast. They never got the chance to share bits of their stories with each other, they never got to talk that much, to learn about one another, to share parts of each's world.

Maybe Taehyung didn't think of it that much, or even more so, care about it, but Jungkook was a thinker, he liked to overanalyze, it was his trait, or maybe his weak spot. But it helped him most of the time. It helped him go through life with different eyes. He didn't need to understand everyone, he didn't need to create a bond with everyone he encountered, and he didn't have to overthink the negative aspects of specific events, rather he took them as they were, and found the reasoning behind the actions of those surrounding him.

That's why Jungkook hadn't been affected or thought too much of the "fake relationship". Or rather he did, but he did not let others see. He did think about it more than necessary maybe, but took it as an opportunity to have fun, an opportunity to go with the flow. He didn't care about what others said, or whether Taehyung hated him or not. Not at first at least.

But he hasn't always been like that. Jungkook had a past, one he dreads and one that still haunts him and reflects in his actions and words, sometimes. Yet there had always been two comforting things that separated him from his past. Comfort crowds, and getting lost in his own thoughts. He loved attending parties with nameless people, and he loved hanging out with others seamlessly, but he also liked being alone with his own thoughts.