The Drafted Reality and Dreams

CHAPTER 17: CLARENCE

It has been hard for everyone, especially for me. I fell in love with Ted when I was first introduced to him by someone who knew Ted. We got closer the more we interacted with each other. Ted introduced me to Ashlyn; His former wife. She was sweet, she shined as bright as an angel. Nobody could really hate her. But this was the year before she passed away. But after she passed away, Ted turned to me. I was selfish... I was jealous of Ashlyn before and now I sometimes feel guilty. I got married to a man, who got over his wife, after 6 months of her passing.
    I thought I was given a golden opportunity when Ted and I grew closer. I always wanted a family that I can call my own. Ted told me that he had two kids back at home. I was excited to meet them. I always wanted kids of my own. I had a husband before and we both wanted children. Unfortunately, I had a miscarriage, I hid in the shadows for what felt like a lifetime. Grew a bit distant with my former husband; who passed away from lung cancer.
    Ever since then, all I could do is to be ashamed of myself. I married a man who got over his wife's death after 6 months and my husband died from lung cancer. It was almost as if I betrayed my former husband. Have a feeling that he does. Doesn't matter if it's a feeling or not, I betrayed him regardless.
  If I never met Ted to begin with and Marcus still died from lung cancer. I would've never forgiven myself. Since I grew distant from him. I never really knew he had cancer but he probably did. I'm guilty...
  After all that has happened whatsoever in this household. I cannot let go of the fear that I have been carrying around with me, no matter where I go. The fear of losing someone. Ted dealt with a killer that's currently on the loose. Mary dealt with seizures. Edson dealt with trauma. And I dealt with nothing except for that look that Edson had when he saw me tied up inside the haunted house. He was trembling...
  If Ashlyn never died she would still be able to be happy and wouldn't have to move. If Marcus never died from lung cancer, I would still be happy. If I never met Ted at all I wouldn't feel guilty.
  Right now.. I feel so guilty... I regret ever appearing in Ted's life. I regret telling him about the amusement park. I regret not trying harder. I regret not making better choices. I regret being greedy.
  All I could do is to regret...