The Drafted Reality and Dreams

CHAPTER 30: THE MAN

What's love? How come I never learned it? What is it exactly? Is it an emotion? A feeling? Or something that everyone desires, wanting to have it whenever they get the chance. Why didn't I learn it? Was I too young to understand? Or was it because I could never experience love? The more I think about it the more curious I get.
Ever since I met that woman I wondered if she felt it, love I mean. Did she love me or did she dislike me? Clarence Everton what did you feel when you first met me? I want to know how you feel, how you think about things and what you desire. Do you desire love just as much as any other? Or did you care less about love? Clarence, I want to feel the same way as you do. Teach me your ways, Clarence Everton.

If I were to go back where I ran into the Francis family I would go back to where I saw that boy. Before he saw me that day, I was watching them or should I say him. He was alone at the time. He was throwing away a pizza box that was from Doctors pizza.
I can still remember his face when he saw me. He was full of fear. Scared even. Once he ran back inside of the house, I couldn't help but be curious. I went into their small backyard and was in front of the window of the living room. Little boy, how scared could you be? I wondered, what would you do if I was in front of you? I always asked such questions and the answers were always the same.
Why would people treat me like I was inhuman? I'm human too, aren't I? Why do people fear me so much? I'm just trying to live in peace but how could I when everyone looks at me like I did something wrong. It upsets me, it makes me want to harm others. It makes me want to do things that my mother scolded me for doing but still covers it up.
Could there be someone who can cover it up? The crimes that I committed. Crimes where my hands get dirtied by all the blood—the blood of my victims, the victims that treat me indifferently.
Little boy who did you think you were?

If he never saw me then maybe I wouldn't have to commit any more crimes. That teenage girl saw me and I had to get rid of her. She would look at me with disgust, hatred. But why? Why look at me that way, when don't even know me.
Ever since I killed those actors at the haunting house, I felt like I had to get rid of the ones who saw me. That boy named Edson, that man named Ted, and that woman named Clarence. But why did I fail to get rid of them? Why didn't I get rid of her when she saw me. Why? That woman—Clarence Francis, who is she really? I wanna know how it's like to see children grow, even the ones that aren't of the same bloodline. How does it feel to witness the ones before you die? How does one feel while in bed with another person? How does it all feel?
Why can't I feel it?
Why can't I experience such feelings?
Why can't I do what others can do?
What's wrong with me?