Deep end |ENG|

· prologue • deep end ·

How've you been?

I guess you're fine...

I look at you and you don't even care to smile.

You don't try to make this easier for me.

You just sit there, acting like I didn't exist, talking to your friends who you know are so toxic towards me and... you don't care...? I thought you wanted me to be happy but now I see you're probably doing more than just alright without me.

It's been pretty long since we've last seen.

Whenever I look at you, you're not there. You became just somebody I used to know. The person staring at me with so much disgust, hate and... I don't even know what is that poison behind your irises... I don't know you anymore.

Not seeing each other felt like eternity to me yet now that I'm sitting next to you, looking at the daggers flying from your eyes, I can't help but feel like I've never really seen you.

Was it all fake? Had I spent those seventeen months of my life running after a cruel illusion?

I don't know...

However, I now regret all those "I love you"s. All those nice actions and words because the way you're treating me now... I'm afraid how long has this been going on with me simply lying to myself.

Honestly, throughout my life...

Deep inside I never felt alive...

You knew about my problems, I trusted you enough to tell you about them. And it scares me to think about it all now. I'm worried.

Worried because you were the spark that gave me back my life.

Does this mean you didn't want the best for me?

Now you're talking about it all aloud, knowing way too well it makes me feel uncomfortable. I try to make you speak in a lower voice yet you give me that look and...

I know you're doing it all on purpose.

Just please... tell me...

Why?

The way you used to touch my soul was always so sweet and lovely.

All your hugs, touches, the way you held my hand or kissed my head before leaving the class,... Was it all just a game to you?

If yes, I at least hope you enjoyed it.

Because you made all my trauma come back. All my issues... I was fighting them so well and now they're coming back. Maybe they're not here fully yet but I know that the moment I tell you those words, they won't hesitate to go and haunt me down.

No matter how far apart we were, you'd always pick up the phone.

I texted you late at night, throughout the day,... it didn't matter. You'd always respond. Maybe right away, maybe few hours later,... but you would.

However, things changed.

Guess you really don't care about me anymore.

And now I'm truly all alone in this world.

I hope you do realise that you were the only person I had at school.

Don't worry though-

Funny... Like you did.

Anyways, I started talking to our classmates. I became closer with them and now they're trying to support me as I'm trying to leave you and those two friends of yours behind. Even that one guy who I thought hated me was so nice to me when I told him I needed to move away.