Deep end |ENG|

• epilogue · happiness

Happiness... What even is that?

The moment someone makes you feel loved. The moment someone picks you up and starts spinning around, screaming because they're happy you didn't leave the party early as you were firstly intending to. Knowing you have a place to stay, a hug to keep you warm and people to support you no matter what.

Happiness is the moment when you swear you can fly, touch the sky and run up to the stars, stand on the moon.

Everybody has it connected with something different. For someone it's a person, for other a situation or an object.

For me...

I don't know.

I just know that he was my happiness.

He was and he's gone.

He seems sad lately, giving me all those mad stares, judging my every move, making all those remarks and causing scenes right in front of me.

I wish I could ignore it but...

You're so soft-hearted, Hyunjin, I think to myself as I'm walking to the bus stop.

I'm crying myself to sleep again, smiling when around others. I don't have energy but I pretend that I do.

I slept only twenty minutes just a week ago. Jeongin walked towards me with his usual smile as I was holding onto the cup like my life depended on the coffee inside - and little do we all know it did. He made me feel better but I felt so scared of everybody with a jacket similar to Seungmin's one when I was alone again.

I couldn't stop thinking about him, hearing and seeing him around me in everything and everyone all the time.

He was my happiness and I pushed him away.

Deep inside I know it was right.

However, as two weeks have passed, I feel even worse when in the relationship.

The only thing left is hope.

Because there is no happiness in me anymore. Only ashes and pain and some will to keep on pretending like everything is okay.

Because deep inside...

...I never felt alive.

· • · • ·

And so we're done! I know the ending is kind of... sudden. However, I don't really know how else should I wrap this up rather than description of my feelings after the break up.

Hope you don't mind me not putting my happy ending in here because I don't really think it fits the story.

At least not this one... (;