Deep end |ENG|

• 3 · costume

Even though I'd lie to myself, deep inside I was slowly losing hope.

And so, when we had that costume evening with our teachers, I didn't really know if I wanted to be sat next to Seungmin, Minho and Changbin.

My classmates thankfully loved my costume, some even getting scared by my colourful eye lenses. And so I ended up talking to them too, having fun, enjoying myself more. There of course was alcohol since we all were adults already and so the talk would flow peacefully.

Sometimes, we'd go out. Some people to smoke, some to get a bit of fresh air and to calm down. Minho would borrow me his vape a few times and we would just stand there in the chill night before going back inside.

It was fun.

After lots of people left, considering Minho and Changbin as well, me and Seungmin went outside, sitting on the playground in front of our school for a while. We were just watching the stars, being in the silence that felt calming and healing again. I was so happy that it made me smile for no reason. I was just swinging back and forth, not thinking about anything.

When we returned inside, I tried to catch up with some of my classmates while my boyfriend sat down by a table, looking tired.

I walked to him after a while, hugging his shoulders. "Hey, Min," I hummed with a smile, "should I call my father to pick us up already?"

"Um... Yeah... That would be nice."

So I did as I've said.

When my father arrived, Seungmin was already half-asleep and so I had to help him get in the car. Holding him around his shoulders felt heartwarming again, no moving away, just an innocent, sweet touch.

We got to my family's house. Some of his energy got restored on the way and so we ended up talking to Yeji and my mom for another hour before getting to my bed around 3 am.

We hugged each other close and everything felt nice.

Just like it used to be.

· • · • ·

Next day, Seungmin had to go home because of some guests coming to their house while I went back to school to clean up after the events of the last night.

On my way there, one classmate of mine, who I'd started talking to a lot a few months ago, got on the bus as well, looking wasted.

"Well damn, Gyu, " I smiled as he sat next to me, "you look terrible."

"Yeah... I have to be honest with you - I don't have an idea how did I appear in my room. I just woke up in there."

That made me laugh. "I mean... You did look pretty drunk yesterday."

We kept on talking and slowly got to our school.

The cleaning up was calm until it came to the mention of beer. There was still lots of it left.

"Let's play beer-pong," Beomgyu said. He turned to me as I was standing next to him. "You wanna play with me, Jin?"

I shrugged "Sure, but I've never played it before."

"Don't worry, it's easy."

I was taught the rules and slowly we ended up "cleaning up the beer" (as Beomgyu started calling it) pretty fast.

I then quickly realised it was better without Minho, Changbin or Seungmin being there with me. I could let myself be free for a while, doing stuff I actually wanted to do without anyone judging me with their stares or holding me back with their words.

"What are we gonna do with these?" Yerim asked, pointing at the untouched bottles of rum.

"Let's bring them to my party," Beomgyu said and then walked extremely close to me, pointing his finger at me. "And you are coming too, you understand?"

Now, let me explain this to you. I was excited. Because never ever before has that happened to me. Not in this class at least.

I was the most popular kid while attending primary school but when I got to high school, I became the outcast. And Minho, Changbin and Seungmin ended up being ones too, that's how we became a group. However, like a year ago, Minho and Changbin started being very toxic towards me. And so getting to talk to my classmates more, them saying they actually liked me and didn't know I was that nice... It all was making me really excited and happy.

And so I smiled, squeaking out a little: "Yes, sure, I'd love that."

Beomgyu nodded his head, smile appearing on his lips. "Good. I'll send you the official invite with more information when I get home. If I forget, text me."

And so we drank more beer and wine, vaped as well and it soon was time to go.

"Hyejoo?"

"Yes, Hyunjin?"

"I've heard you're driving Beomgyu and Chaewon home so I wanted to ask if you could take me too."

"Sure, no problem."

No rejection. That made me even happier.

And so I got home satisfied, smiling and a bit tipsy at the time of 2pm. I thought of texting Seungmin about the Beomguy's party but after seeing his messages about his mother, I decided not to do so yet.

I can tell him on Monday, right?

I was still trying to show him that even though I was ready to leave Minho and Changbin behind me, I wouldn't leave him. That's why I'd say "I love you" more and more often.

However, he would stop holding my hand, moving away a lot. Slowly, he wouldn't even greet me in the morning nor say "bye" when I was leaving him. Sometimes, I noticed him looking at me when I got on the bus but turning away the moment my eyes found his and he just wouldn't turn back to me, not even when I was next to him. I had to be the first one to reach out, he stopped doing it.

That's why I was so sad when Minho said: "I'm happy for you two."

Because there was nothing to be happy for.

Seungmin was leaving my side and I still tried to make myself believe he was there.

Even though I seemed normal, I was now wearing another costume - this one being named Happiness.

It's been pretty long since we've last seen.