Deep end |ENG|

• 7 · bus stop

That evening, we had the first practice for our prom midnight surprise.

(a/n: I'm not really sure if it's a thing in other countries too but in here, midnight surprise is a usual thing when the hosts of the event prepare a short performance where they usually dance and entertain the guests on midnight - what a surprise, I also thought it would be at 6 am, I know haha)

It was taking place in the village next to mine and it was extremely cold in that small building.

"Shut up, what else would you want for free," Heejin, who set it all up for us, said to our complaints as she went to make us some tea.

We were practicing, creating the choreographies and wrapped it up after three hours. We were tired and had an essay to hand in due the next day. Thankfully, I had done that earlier that day so I had only one maths test to stress about.

Me and Seungmin left the building, having a small chat about maths and the horrible teacher, who oh so obviously hated our whole class, on our way to the bus stop. The road was icy so we had to be careful but we managed to get to our destination without falling or even slipping.

When we stopped, Seungmin went quiet. He pulled out his phone and kept on staring into it. He'd never do that but now... He didn't look up, didn't move, didn't react to anything I said.

The wind wasn't strong but cold, it made its way through my thick clothes and I shivered as it ran its fingers on my skin. "Damn, it's freezing, isn't it?" I said quietly as I walked around Seungmin, hiding myself behind a wall of the bus stop.

It looked like he wasn't even trying to ignore my presence - he just didn't react at all. It looked so natural and not forced. While I was losing my mind over it, his gaze was still glued to the shiny display of his phone.

And mine was attached to his back. I was watching him, feeling daggers stabbing my heart, tears pricking my eyes. My breath became a bit unstable as I recalled my thoughts from the night before.

I should end this. Mom's right, this relationship is hurting me. I guess break up is the best thing to solve this now.

I wanted to do it. I actually took some deep breaths, opened my mouth a few times, ready to say those words but...

What words should I chose?

I got stuck on that and ended up saying nothing. I was just checking the time on repeat, sad because it was passing by so so slowly.

The coldness was becoming worse and worse and I was thankful when the bus arrived - finally, may I add.

Even though my heart was telling me not to do so, I sat next to him.

I'm still not sure what made me do that. The hope of him holding my hand again? The hope of him talking to me again? The hope of him not acting like I weren't there?

Maybe it was just hope in general.

I guess I'm a fool after all...

He sat as far away as possible, leaning on the window, turning his head away.

I would gaze at him a few times and each of those times, I'd get hurt more and more.

It hadn't happened to me before that I'd be happy to be leaving him.

With the last bit of hope, I got up, turning to him over my shoulder.

And there he was, watching me with so much disgust and judgement and... and... It was a look you give to someone you truly hate.

"Bye," I creaked out as I stepped to the door, trying to hold back my tears.

I knew people were watching me, I felt it and I decided not to look back. I was afraid it'd make me break. I simply pulled my scarf higher to cover my cheeks.

I got home without crying. Having forgotten to let my mom know I was back, I went straight to my room, not even greeting Yeji.

I decided to study maths instead of occupying myself with my boyfriend. I put my headphones on, focusing myself on the cursed study book, knowing way too well I was so emotional I wouldn't be able to remember anything.

And then my mom texted me, asking where I was.

"Ah, damn," I sighed. I went to her. "Sorry I didn't come, I thought you were still away," I made an excuse since she was in the city when I was leaving for that practice.

"It's okay, I was just worried about you."

And finally someone managed to get my train of thoughts on another track. For a tiny, little, unimportant while I forgot about him and the pain he'd bring me.

I was warm again.

I miss the way you felt so close to my bones.