⚠️ Talk of SA and r@pe⚠️
A name I no longer feel for, grieve for but still; I have to endure it. But why should I do that? all the pain and discomfort it's caused me doesn't deserve the recognition. but how can I be so sure that the name is what doesn't deserve recognition? so i think. I think back to all of the abandonment from my father and the fact my single mother raised a child on her own trying to bandage a broken heart only to be shot down by the fear of her leaving like he did. like he still does. I thought of all the assault my body was faced with at a very young age, about the way he ruined how pure and clean I'll ever be. Then it hit me. It's not the name itself that doesn't deserve the recognition, it's the people and things that have caused me to feel discomfort from the name. "don't let your past define you," my mother said but only if she knew all the details of what I call pain and suffering. The things I have felt and experienced in the past fifteen years. if only she knew. but i could never tell her how her own child, her own blood went through the thing she as a parent feared for all her kids. how he violated me. Although I feel uncomfortable with the name that makes me feel dirty and unwanted, I praise that little girl for being so brave and surviving through it all even when she felt like giving up. I hope she found the peace she wanted, the peace she deserved.
