Emotional Detachment

Hope and triggers

"I'm okay" Big whispered to himself again inside his dark room "I'm okay" but he didn't feel anywhere near okay.

He slid down the door, closing his eyes.

"I hate this" he muttered, voice breaking again.

Then his phone lit up with a single text, and he scrambled to get up from the floor, ready to leave this depressing room.

He threw his door open, almost hitting Porsche who was standing right outside. "Woah!" Porsche called out, wobbling a few steps back

"Sorry"

"Are you okay?" Porsche asked softly, seeing his hurried state "Yeah, I just have to go somewhere"

"Did you need anything?"

"No it's fine, it can wait till later" Porsche replied with a gesture of his hand, and Big hurried past him.

His heart was beating fast and loud as he neared the door. He took a deep breath, hoping his heart would calm down. It barely helped.

"Sir, it's me" he announced, the door buzzed and he took a few quiet, hesitant steps inside.

"I need you to tell me the truth," Kim said from the couch, but Big was focused on the folders scattered on the floor.

"Did you not hear me?" and Big regained his posture.

"What truth, sir" he softly asked, and he could hear Kim let out a sigh.

"What Khun knows. I'm going to ask you again, and you're going to tell me the truth." His voice was calm, but underneath was a hint of frustration. Pain.

"You know what's gonna happen if you don't," Kim's calm voice threatened.

Big took a deep breath again "Your brothers will notice if you hurt me"

"I'll just hurt you where they won't then," he calmly replied, finally turning around to face Big.

His eyes were cold, and Big's heart stopped beating, a shiver going down his spine.

He looked down at the floor again, his heart beating faster than ever. He couldn't tell him the truth, he was not supposed to.

He's a bodyguard of the main family, loyal to them, but he was also watching over Kim?

He could hear Kim get up from the couch, his calm footsteps slowly coming closer.

"I don't like repeating myself, especially when you're supposed to obey my orders"

His steps came to a halt, but Big didn't dare look up at him.

His breath hitched as Kim suddenly leaned in close to him, his breath on his ear "Or are you too broken of a bodyguard to do that?"

No, he wanted to reply. Maybe he truly was broken but not that broken. No matter how broken, he'll still take orders from the family, from the ones whom he owes his life, but he couldn't tell Kim the truth. If he did, he wouldn't trust him, he'd know he was working for Tankhun too.

Kim's hand suddenly held his cast ever so softly, and Big knew it wasn't out of pity or sympathy.

He sunk the lump in his throat. After a moment of silence, he finally spoke.

"Why are the folders on the floor?"

Big fell to the ground with a groan, pain shooting through his arm, and his heart pounding loudly in his ears.