Emotional Detachment

Knowing isn't merciful

Kim sat down, his notebook in his hands, earning a raised eyebrow from Park in return.

"You asked me about my brothers last time. What they were like growing up" he let out a deep breath

"Yes"

"I also told you I would open up this time"

"You did"

Kim took a deep breath.

"Well, Kinn is the perfect son to some extent" He started out "A perfect leader, not too smart and a bit oblivious" he took a deep breath again "Just stupid enough to fall for our father's lies and trust him"

"Tankhun of course, no one knows if he's insane or just pretending, personally I think it's both. I think a part of him is traumatized and broken, but another part is faking it to avoid responsibility"

"What about yourself?" Park asked, "Me?" He was quiet for a moment, then looked directly at Park, with cold eyes

"Well, I'm the son who refused to be manipulated, who saw through the lies, and pretended just enough to be believable" he paused.

"Who is too much of a threat to be the leader. Too cynical to trust anyone but myself"

Park didn't say anything, only writing something down on his notepad "Is that what you really wanted to say last time?"

Kim nodded, the grip on his notebook tightening "Partly"

"I'm here to listen"

When the silence went on, Park put down his pen "Or maybe I should come with my observations?" he calmly asked, and when Kim didn't answer he let out a sigh

"I know you feel bitter towards your family, and hold on to a lot of pain you're trying to avoid speaking about"

Kim looked down at the notebook in his hands "And you feel responsible for your brothers, even though you're the youngest.'' Kim sat frozen, still looking down at the notebook in his hands.

"A few sessions ago we talked about this need for perfection and emotional neglect"

"Often, the need to be perfect, to be fine, comes from family, siblings. There's a pressure from them, but also from the emotional neglect"

"Is that so?" Kim scoffed and Park nodded.

"Yes, the demand to be perfect often comes with neglecting emotional needs." he started out

"To express anything negative would be considered wrong, and bad, a failure. It's emotionally abusive, but some parents still raise their children this way, and withhold or deny their children any comfort, nurturing, or validation if they don't live up to their expectations" 

He paused for a moment and took a deep breath, watching as Kim processed what he had said. Kim's eyes were far away and Park could see he was going over it in his head, finding the patterns, the incidents from his life.

"When it comes to emotional neglect, the strive for perfection is also a defense mechanism"

He finally looked up at Park, eyes soft and with a hint of pain. Park could tell there was something he wanted to say, something that was pressing on the back of his throat, but too scared to actually voice it. He looked away again and sank whatever it was he had wanted to say.

"You knew something was wrong, didn't you?" Park calmly asked, and Kim was quiet for a moment, but then in a small whisper

"Yes," he answered.

"Back when you were younger, you knew that this neglect you experienced was dysfunctional?" A shaky breath escaped Kim

"Yeah," he replied, with a soft nod and watery eyes. Park inhaled sharply.