Alice

mikey [slight tw]

tw: mentions of self-harm, sexual assault, hospitalization, mental health episodes

I wake up in a hospital bed. My clothes have been changed into a white hospital gown and I have two paper bracelets on.

One is a normal, white hospital bracelet with "Michael Charnas" written on it and chart numbers. The other is red and has "special case" printed on it with "Andrew D.B." written on in sharpie.

I see August, Lonny, and Andy asleep on a bench on one side of the room. Patrick and Justin are asleep on the floor near the bench, and Spencer is asleep in a chair next to the hospital bed.

I sit up, making the mistake of putting weight on my wrist. It shoots stabbing, burning pain up my arm, all the way to my shoulder.

Spencer wakes up and blinks a few times. "Mikey?" he hesitates for a moment, looking relieved and scared all at once. "Mikey! Thank fucking god you're okay!" He says, helping me sit up and then hugging me tightly.

"I'm okay, I'm okay. What happened?" I ask. I have no recollection of anything, but I'm covered in gauze bandages. My body hurts.

"You... You damn near killed yourself. Scared the fuck out of us, out of me. I thought I lost you for a moment there." He says quietly, trying not to wake anyone up.

"If I'm in the hospital does that mean-" I start. Spencer cuts me off quickly.

"No, no, they aren't going to take you away. Andy made sure of that. He has a lot of shit on a lot of people here, you're safe." He says.

I look around the room and try to take in my surroundings. The lights are buzzing dimly and it's making my head hurt.

I notice that Andy, August, and Lonny have some amount of blood on them. Shit, I hope they're okay.

"Is August okay? Are Andy and Lonny? I didn't... I didn't hurt anyone else, did I?" I ask. My chest starts to feel tight. What did I do to make August literally have blood on her hands?

"A little shaken, but they'll all be fine. It is so like you to almost die and be worried about other people. August and Lonny are the ones who found you. Andy wasn't far behind them from what I hear." Spencer explains.

"What did I do?" I ask, having no memory of what happened.

"Honestly, I'm not sure. From what I hear, you had an episode. A bad one. You were in the hotel bathroom and there were razor blades in there. You took the episode out on yourself, got too damn close to your wrist." He says.

"August found me like that?"

"Yeah. You're lucky she did, and you're lucky Lonny had a master key."

"I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize for hurting, Mikey. Just please, try to reach out next time. You can always call me."

"I have no phone any more. My brother, remember?"

"Shit, yeah. I'll get you a new one, I promise. But the doctors said that when you wake up you'll need to rest for a day or two."

"What about the tour?" I ask, feeling a bit bad for messing up the schedule.

"We haven't even missed one show yet. We'll cancel the one here in Indiana, and that'll give you enough time to rest up."

"Please don't cancel the show for me."

"Why?"

"How are you going to explain that? And besides, I can always have someone Facetime from side stage." I say.

I see August stir from her place on the bench. She's leaned up against Andy, who's leaning on Lonny, who's leaning on the wall.

"Can I ask you to wake up August?" I ask.

"Just August?"  He asks.

"Maybe a few other people. You probably know better than I do." I joke.

Spencer nods and stands up. He gently wakes up August, Patrick, and Justin. Andy wakes up as soon as August stands. August is the first one over to my bed side.

"Mikey, oh my god!" She says, wrapping her arms around me. I wrap my arms around her and hug her back. I see the bandages on my arm and notice I've bled through them quite a bit.

"I'm alive, don't worry." I say. August laughs and lets me go.

"I'm glad you're alive, kid." Justin says.

"What happened, Mikey?" Patrick asks, looking at me sadly. I don't think he knows just how awful my past really was. The only ones who really know the near full story are Spencer and Justin.

I look at Justin, who looks between me, Spencer, and Patrick. I take a deep breath and try to explain as much as I can. I make sure Lonny is still asleep before I start talking.

"You know how Spencer and I met right?" I ask. Patrick nods, looking confused.

"Well, I don't think you understand how bad things were where I was before. My father..." I choke on the words, they feel like sand in my throat and taste like dirt in my mouth.

"There's a good reason I'm grateful for Spencer, and a good reason I hugged him when he killed my dad. He used to.." I have trouble finding the strength to push the words up. Spencer puts his hand on my shoulder comfortingly.

"He used to use me, when ever he wanted to do things. I was too young to even remember the first time it happened. He didn't ever really stop." I say, feeling warm tears start to form in my eyes.

"And the last thing I remember is not being able to get rid of the feeling of his hands on my body. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt myself that badly I just..." I feel tears burn down my face.

I see Patrick cover his mouth with his hand, as if trying to process what I just said. Justin has tears in his eyes. I know he knew what my father did, but I don't think he knew I was that young.

I notice Lonny standing by the bed now. I have no clue when he got there.

"Just wanted it to stop?" He asks, understanding quickly. Spencer looks up at him, slightly scared. I just nod and look down at my hands.

"Mikey, please come to me next time. There are other ways to make that stop, and there are ways to get through it, too." August says, putting her hands over mine.

"Is there? It's been constant for as long as I can remember."  I say through tears.

"There's always a way, kid." Andy says.

I wipe my eyes quickly as I see a nurse walk by in the window. She walks into the room and nods at Andy, then at Spencer.

"So, how are you feeling?" She asks.

"Sore, I guess? My arms and legs hurt." I say.

"Well, that's to be expected. You did quite a number on yourself. You're lucky you were transported here in time." She says, pulling over a tray.

"What's all that for?" I ask.

"We have to change your bandages, its been 18 hours." She says. She takes my arms and gently unwraps both of them.

I see the words "whore" and "doll" carved into my arms and stitched closed. The two lines from "doll" are directly over my wrist.

I see Spencer's face change. I can almost see his heart drop. I can only imagine how hard it must be for him to see me like this.

The nurse applies some cream to the wounds and wraps them with fresh bandages. She gently pulls the gauze padding off my leg to reveal the word "princess" underneath. She does the same as before and leaves the room.

"Was this.." He pauses. "Was this things your dad said to you?" He asks. I can see tears forming behind the anger in his eyes. 

I nod, looking down at my hands. If he hadn't already,  I'm sure Spencer would've killed my dad by now. I'm sure that's what he's thinking about right now.

He takes a deep breath and wraps his arms around me in a hug.

a/n alright yall get this one early because you seem really really invested