Alice

birthday

I have the same dream last night that I've had a million times. Imagining spencer as my real dad, and this time Nadia as my mom.

I imagine them doing the things that separated parents do. trading me around every other week, spending two weeks somewhere, and then changing houses. I imagine them sitting and talking on the front porch of Spencer's house while a 4-year-old version of me runs around in the front yard.

A 4-year-old Casey with her parents not too far away from her, keeping a close eye on their child. I trip and fall, but get up right away. They both come running and sit me down on the steps. Spencer comforts me and Nadia puts a bandaid on my scraped knee.

I wake up to a party favor being blown right outside my bunk. I slide the curtain open and see Ricky (a) with a stupid-looking hat and a little horn in his mouth.

"i told patrick not to tell him." spencer says.

"whats was i supposed to do he asked!" patrick says laughing. i roll out of my bunk and walk over to spencer and the coffee pot. Ricky stops me about half way there to put a party hat on me, I let him. i pour myself a cup of coffee.

"Nadia will be by in about half an hour to pick us up for breakfast."spencer says.

"oh right, I almost forgot about that!" I say, returning to my bunk to get clothes. I change in the bathroom and come back out in a plain black t-shirt, black skinny jeans, and a grey and black striped hoodie.

Not even a few minutes later, there's a knock at the bus door. Spencer opens it and steps out, waving me to go with him.

I follow him out too nadias car and get in the back seat. "hey kid! Happy birthday!" She says.

"thank you!" I don't know how to repond, no one has ever really cared that much about my birthday.

We drive for a bit, spencer and Nadia talking cheerfully in the front seat. We pull into an ihop and park near the front.

We all get out of the car and Nadia stops me as soon as I'm on the sidewalk. "here, so people know who's birthday it is" she says, putting a 2inch pin on my jacket.

I look down to read it. Birthday boy.

It's a small thing, but its enough to make me almost start crying.

"thank you." I say quietly. Her and spencer both pick up on how I feel, I can see it in thier posture.

"happy birthday micheal." Spencer says, gently putting his hand on my shoulder in a comforting way. I blink away tears.

We all walk inside and get seated in a booth near the corner. A girl with curly hair walks over to our table.

"can I get you folks started with any drinks today?" She asks, looking directly at me.

"I'll get a coffee." Spencer says. I nod and add a "me too please" onto his sentence.

"are you sure you don't want a milkshake or something mikey?" Nadia asks. I hesitate.

I realize that I've never actually had a milkshake, I know what they are but no one ever took me out to eat other than friends. When they took me out they had $5 in thier pocket and would just get a few shitty $1 burgers.

"I don't know." I say.

"you don't know?" Spencer asks.

"I've never had one." I say. There's a brief moment of silence. "just the coffee is okay." I say to the waitress.

"I'll have a diet coke." Nadia says. The waitress walks away.

"You've never had a milkshake?" Nadia asks.

"no, I guess I haven't. There's alot of things I haven't had I think this is the closest I've ever had to a birthday party and its--" I pause, not sure what I was going to say next. I'm almost crying.

"well, 16 is a big birthday, i think its milkshake worthy." nadia says. spencer nods in agreement.

"nadia i hope you really understand how much i appreciate you signing that paperwork." spencer says, reaching over the table and holding nadias hand.

"of course, any reason to see you again is a good one, and i'd do anything to help mikey." she says, smiling at him sweetly.

i look down at the menu, a little overwhelmed by the choices. i see a burger with hashbrowns and an egg on it. i decide to get that.

"decide what you're getting yet kiddo?" Spencer asks, looking down at his own menu.

"yeah, probably the burger if its not too much." I say. I suddenly remember every other time I've been in a reasturant, the way my father would scold me for getting anything too "heavy".

"anything you want mikey, I'm paying." Spencer says.

"nu uh, I'm paying. You've been buying him food this entire time, let me do my part. Get whatever you want sweetie." Nadia says. Spencer sighs but doesn't fight her about it.

"thank you." I say politely. I put down my menu and fold my hands in my lap. Spencer notices.

"you okay?" He asks, leaning in to whipser to me.

"I don't know, I don't really go out to eat much, and my-..." I pause, taking a deep breath. "I wasn't allowed to get much of anything with them." I say.

"well, you can get whatever you want with us. Right Nadia?" Spencer says.

"right, whatever you want to get." She smiles at me. It makes me feel safe. I feel safe with Nadia and spencer. They make me feel like I have real parents who really love me.

The server comes over to take everyone food order. Nadia gets herself fun-fetti packcakes, spencer orders a 4x4, and he also orders my burger and milkshake.

"so, if I can ask, I heard you were in the hospital recently. What happened?" Nadia asks.

Spencer and I look at each other. There's a heavy silence. Spencer opens his mouth to speak, but doesn't say anything.

"I haven't had the best past. Sometimes it catches up to me, and it was particularly bad that night. I just, lost control of myself." I say, trying to explain without actually telling her.

"maybe you should see a therapist mikey. I don't know too much about your past but I can assume that it wasn't great if you've accepted this situation so fast." Nadia says.

"I don't exist, I'm still missing, wanted, and presumed dead." I remind her.

"wanted?" She asks. she raises an eyebrow at me suspiciously.

"my brother told the police that I killed my parents and ran away. Now he's missing too, no doubt that only solidified what he told the police." I say quietly.

"well, Alice is wanted, not you." Spencer says. Nadia agrees with him.

"alrighty, here is those pancakes" the server says, returning with our food. "that 4x4, that burger, milkshake, and since I over heard it was your birthday you get to pick a free dessert cake." She says, passing out everyone's food.

I thank her and we all eat out food. There's a comfortable silence as we eat, no one getting mad at me for ordering too much, no upseting conversaions, just a family enjoying a meal together.

About halfway through my food, spencer picks something up from the table and sets it down infront of me. It's a stand up desert menu.

"so you know what you want when she comes back" he says. I look up at him, not quite sure what to get. I was never allowed to eat out that much, let alone have sweets.

"if you want my suggestion, the chocolate chocolate cheesecake is pretty good." Nadia says.

"ill get that then." I say, smileing. For once, I can't help but smile. It's not forced, its just genuine.

When we leave, I feel like I can almost convince myself that they are really my parents. I can almost convince myself that I grew up the way I was meant to.