Alice

scars

i sit straight up in bed, breathing heavily. my pillow is wet. there are tears streaming down my face and stinging at my eyes. i can only guess what happened, probably another nightmare.

those are getting less and less frequent, but harder and harder to deal with.

i close my eyes and try to focus on my breathing. i try to take a deep breath and end up making a quiet sobing sound instead.

i open my eyes and decide to try something august taught me. i look around the room and count 5 things i can see.

painting, suitcase, dresser, door, bedframe.

four things i can feel.

m̶y̶ c̶h̶e̶s̶t̶ g̶e̶t̶t̶i̶n̶g̶ t̶i̶g̶h̶t̶e̶r̶. the blanket, the pillow, my sleep shirt, my pj pants.

3 thing i can smell.

the candle in the livingroom, augusts perfume still on the shirt i took from her, blood.

blood? i reach up and touch my face just below my nose. i pull my hand away to look at it and sure enough there's blood.

i rush to the bathroom and try to use toilet paper to clean my face up, it's all i can find. my nose doesn't stop bleeding. luckily it doesn't get on anything other than my hand. i roll up a bit of tissue and keep it in my nose.

i still feel like my chest is about to cave in. there's a knock at the bathroom door.

"mikey?" it's august. "are you okay? i thought i saw blood when you ran in there." she says through the door.

i open the door and see her standing in the doorway. she notices the bloody tissues on the counter and the bloodier one in my nose.

"what happened? are you okay?" she asks, holding my face to examine it. "were you crying?"

"i think so yeah. i woke up and i was crying, i think i had a bad dream. then i was trying not to freak out and i smelled blood but it didn't get on anything so.." i explain as i throw out the bloody wads of toilet paper.

"let me get you actall tissues and not toilet paper." she says. she takes my hand and leads me to the kitchen. there's a small table with two seats and box of tissues in the center among other things.

"change out the tissue, I'll make some coffee. i think we're the only ones awake right now." she says quietly.

i do as I'm told and replace the tissue in my nose, throwing the old one in the trash. august puts coffee grounds in a filter and fills the back with water.

"do you want to talk about the dream?" she asks, getting down two mugs and a box of sweetner.

"honestly i don't remember it. usually when i have a dream that wakes me up like that it's stays with me for at least the rest of the day, sometimes like a week straight." i say.

i put my head in my hands, trying to rub the sleep from my eyes.

"you're 90lucky i woke up too early." she says, taking the now finished pot of coffee and pouring two cups of coffee. she sets a cup in front of and gives me a few sweeteners. she makes her own coffee and sits down across from me.

"does this happen a lot? the nose bleeds?"she asks.

"its never happened before actually."

"maybe its just dry here." she jokes.

"i doubt its too dry, we're in texas." i say. august laughs.

"you two are up early." noah says, walking into the kitchen in his pjs. "you alright mikey?"