Alice

ricky

Spencer and the rest of the guys ended up still playing their show. I could hear it from the hospital when my window was open, it was closer to the venue than the hotel was.

By the end of the day, another nurse came in to change my bandages. "You're healing up pretty well. We're going to give you some wound care supplies, they should carry you until it's healed enough to not need any bandage. And these stitches will dissolve on their own so you won't need them taken out." She explains.

"Can I ask you something?" I ask.

"Of course!"

"Why did I get this red bracelet?"

"The special case band? Andrew brought you in, and he informed a few of us about your situation, at least partially. That's also why this part of the hospital is so much quieter than the others, we try to keep police and other kinds of workers away from certain patients for their own good." She explains.

"So, how did he know you wouldn't tell anyone?" I ask, scared that I may still get taken away.

"Andrew knows a lot of things about a lot of people here. That's not to say we're scared of him, more so of what he could say." She says, throwing away her trash and gloves.

"Oh. I guess I was lucky he found me."

"Definitely." She says. She leaves the room and after a few hours, Spencer comes into the room with Ricky Olson, Shea, and Justin.

"Michael, Jesus fuck." Ricky says, practically running over to my bed and wrapping his arms around me.

People do that a lot but it usually doesn't do anything. I let them hug me because I know they need it. It's different with Spencer and August, them hugging me is always nice. For some reason this time Ricky hugs me is different from that, it felt understanding. it almost makes me cry but in a nice way.

I hug him back tightly, trying and probably failing to keep my eyes from watering. I hear him sniffle and then let go of me. He wipes his face and sits down in the chair next to my bed that Spencer was asleep in when I woke up.

Shea comes over and puts her hand on my arm comfortingly. It's sore when she does, but I don't tell her that.

"if you don't feel up to touring with the guys anymore you can always come back with me, stay with us for a while." Shea offers. I shake my head.

"no, I think being on the road is probably the best thing for me. There's not much downtime besides driving, it's better to keep myself busy." I say.

"you know what you could do to keep yourself busy? You, Ricky, Shea, and I could have a little hair dye party. I know Ricky needs his roots fixed," Ricky looks fake offended, Justin continues "and I know me and Shea are getting a little stir crazy with our hair." Justin says, trying to lighten the mood.

"yeah, that sounds fun. I need a haircut anyway, it's way too long." I say. I feel what used to be my side shave, which is now probably 2 inches long. I'm starting to look like Alice again.

"yeah, I can definitely help you with that." Ricky says. "and I'll make sure you keep up the shave so you don't accidentally grow it out." He jokes. I laugh.

"Once we get you your own pair of hair clippers you should be able to keep it up pretty easily," Spencer says.

"they told me I should get discharged tomorrow, so that's fun!" I say.

"speaking of, you guys just played a tough show, you all deserve a good night's sleep. I'll stay here with Mikey for a while." Ricky says.

"you sure?" Shea asks. Ricky nods and Justin and Shea leave, I assume to go to their hotel room for the final night in town.

"you sure you don't want me to stay with him instead? He's my kid after all," Spencer says.

"yeah, I haven't gotten to hang out with Mikey as much as I'd like to. I'm probably going to be another uncle to him, I hope." He says, looking over at me, smiling.

Spencer nods and leaves the room. I look at Ricky's face and can see the concern in his eyes.

"did you really just want to hang out with me?" I ask.

"yeah. You are so much like me it is scary." He jokes.

"what do you mean?"

"I- I don't think I entirely know. we just, act alike. I think we think alike too." he says.

"I hope we don't. it's not fun to think the way I do."

"to think no matter what you do you won't make it?" I nod. we do think alike.

"it's easier for you to deal with because you made it, you have real proof that you can make it because you did. no matter what I do now I'll never be able to live on my own. I'll never be able to make any kind of income, I don't even exist anymore." I say, finally able to talk about the one thing that's been bothering me.

"Mikey..." Ricky paused to think. "I'm making up some documents for you. Everything that's not essential will take a bit longer but you will get it. You still exist I promise. You'll keep existing for a long time if you let yourself." He says in a comforting voice.

"you mean I'll officially be Micheal Charnas?" I ask. Ricky nods.

"mostly Micheal Charnas. Depending on how well you can pass as cis, we may have to pick a fake deadname to go on a fake birth certificate and then some name change papers but that shouldn't be hard." He says.

"so Alice never existed? Just Mikey?" I ask, feeling tears of joy start to fall from my eyes.

That scared little girl who could never do anything but run away and crawl back before morning is gone. Now it's just the boy who had the help he needed to leave that place for good, who has at least part of a family who loves him and can be the person that makes him happy.

I think I was always Mikey.
I was never Alice.

"no more Alice Smith. Just Micheal Charnas. I promise." He says, tears starting to glass over his eyes. "Alice is still missing, but she's gone, probably pronounced dead by now."

I wipe my face and start to collect myself. "does that mean I get to have a shitty DMV picture?" I joke.

"you sure do!" We both laugh and continue talking. At some point, I fall asleep and Ricky tucks me in.

I wake up to see Ricky outside my window talking to a nurse, holding a bag. There's also a bag next to my bed. I peek into the bag and see a few boxes labeled "wound care kit" as well as what seems to be self-adhesive tape.

Ricky sees me through the window and walks into the room with the nurse. "hey, you're up! You slept like a rock." He jokes.

"I do that a lot." I say. The nurse walks over to me and sets a few things on a table by my bed. New bandages and anti-septic.

"one more change before your dad gets here and signs you out." She says. She changes my bandages and throws away the trash.

After a few minutes Spencer comes into the room. "hey kid, I brought you some clothes to change into." He says, putting a stack of clothes at the end of the bed.

"thanks. So, where's the next stop again?" I ask. Spencer looks at his phone before responding.

"Bonner springs, I think?" Ricky says.

"yup, boner springs." Spencer jokes. Ricky and I both laugh and I pick up the pile of clothes from the end of the bed. I go to the bathroom and change into them.

I come back out and see Spencer and Ricky talking about something. "what do you say when they ask why they couldn't come in to visit?" Ricky asks Spencer. Spencer put his hand on his face. thinking.

"Mikey was really specific about who he wanted to visit." Spencer says.

"yeah, I just wanted a few people I was really close with." I say. "also, when we get back to the rest of the guys, can we just try to be normal about everything? at least not drag it out for another week?" I ask.

"give everyone a day to be glad you're okay and then yeah, all back to normal." Spencer says. I walk with him and Ricky out of the hospital and to a taxi that brings us back to the venue parking lot where the buses are.