Nicotine { English & Revised Version)

Ch11

All night long yin could think about was war... no matter how much he try to divert his eyes and mind towards the woman that he thought would spend a happy night with him... because that night all he could see and think about was his husband.

Seeing him with his friends one more time was really like a dagger being thrust into his chest... especially with that bastard guy... how could his smile still melt his heart... how could his husband look good with other boys... then it suddenly occurred to yin that he can also fit well with him... he is his lawful husband after all...

but then ... as usual ...

he brushed aside that stupid thought... feeding himself lies, especially his self-esteem, his ego was still too strong to drown out the feelings that had begun to emerge in his mind for that man.

But no matter how hard he denied everything... in the end he still lost to himself... completely forgetting his pride once again... it was now his habit to succumb to his own self-control...

The man had become like a drug... a drug that could captivate every fiber of his body... a drug that he could not avoid... at the same time a drug that was continuously and slowly killing his heart....

No matter how he thought about it...the reason behind the torture he was subjected to...he couldn't bring himself to come up with the right answer because whenever he was close to getting one, he would always come out a loser..

Since when had he learned to compare the woman he loved to the husband he used to hate... since when had he felt this tired and not anticipated at all about this woman every time they met... and since when had he focused his attention on other body other than the woman beside him?

he is now completely confused and in pain...too much torment added to his stress...he only wants to escape once...the night should give him time to break free...but in the end...he will still be locked up together with his own suffering ... that right now he doesn't know what he is doing, doesn't know where to choose and doesn't know what he really wants anymore..

‹•.•›

Yin usually sees cute behavior every time the cute woman beside him asks to play a game in every booth... usually flutters every time orm hugs him with her warm and gentle arms... his heart used to cheer up a lot when that woman kissed his lips..

Yin should have felt disappointed when orm told him she was tired from walking around...and he should have felt sad to think she couldn't join him to watch the fireworks...

But he didn't feel that at all.

Yin blamed himself why he didn't feel the same for her as before...why couldn't he bring his eyes to those beautiful eyes with warmth...right now all he was doing was trying to only look at her...the woman's face that was he loves... the woman who is the reason his heart beats so fast, but he can't, why can't he feel the same...?

Since when did it all start...?

A very strange feeling... his heart wouldn't do another somersault every time that sweet smile crept across her lips, his heart wouldn't beat twice as fast as usual every time that woman said if she loved him, the voice he always wanted to hear became like another meaningless empty sound...

how could everything change so quickly... This was the first time for yin to see himself become disappointed when orm didn't get what she wanted... or maybe yin had realized it long ago but was too blind to see that this woman he loved actually threw tantrums every times she doesn't get what she wants....

It was the first time he had noticed how her expression went from calm to irritated whenever they had to try out a game at another booth...

this was the first time yin realized that she didn't really like traveling and instead insisted that they would go to her house and spend time there... yin actually really wanted to enjoy the festival... especially watching the fireworks with her... but what disappointed him was knowing that women this one he loved actually never liked watching fireworks... telling him it was too smoky and annoying whenever they ended.