I Never Really Left

One

"LARISSA!" I screamed. I watched as Laurel killed her once again. Tears streamed down my face and I ran towards her. "NO!" I bent down and tried to wake her up. I sat straight up in bed. Not again. I cried in my bed silently for about an hour before Enid came in. "What's wrong?" She asked. "Every time I close my eyes, every time I fall asleep, I see her. I see the chance I had to save her. I see her death..." I whispered. "Oh. I'm sorry. I get it," she said. I looked at her with anger in my eyes. "You get it? Oh you get it! You get that I watched the love of my life die?! You get that I had to bury her with my own two hands?! You get that I lost the most important person in my life?! You get that I would rather be dead than live without her?! You get that Enid?!" I screamed. The tears were never ending. I ran out the dorm and towards the cherry blossom. I slowed to a stop in front of it. I sighed and sat against the tree. I remembered a time where she and I had sat under it, both reading a book. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I could've saved you, I could've protected you! I-I should be dead. Not you,"  I said. I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Don't say that," I heard a voice mutter. "It's not your fault. Don't ever believe that," it said. Arms wrapped around me and turned into a backwards hug. My eyes were still closed. "I'm dreaming aren't I?" I asked. I kept my eyes closed because I couldn't bear to open them. "I love you," the voice whispered. I hadn't heard it in over a year. I opened my eyes and turned around. Nothing. My mind was playing ticks on me. I turned towards the grave and put some cherry blossom petals on it. "Rest well," I told her. I stood to leave but a hand grasped mine. I turned but no one was there. And yet, I could still feel the hand. No hand was on my wrist. "I'm not gone. I would never leave you- never would I break a promise to you," said her voice. "Than where are you?" I asked annoyed at my own mind. "White rabbit," was all she said. The hand let go. What if she wasn't dead? No. No. I buried her. I watched her die. I-I carried her out of the school. I ignored my mind's tricks and headed back to the school. I sat at my lunch table, away from everyone else. No one sat with me. No one dared to even talk to me except Enid. Everyone, even the new, kids knew who I was. What had happened. Some kids would still apologize and give me looks of sympathy. A girl walked up. "Y/N? Y/N Jones right?" She asked. "What?" I asked annoyed. "I'm sorry for your loss," she said sadly. "May I sit?" She asked. "I honestly don't care," I muttered. "I know you probably don't want to hear this, I don't like hearing it either but- I understand. And before you get mad- I do. You see, my first boyfriend died when I was 13. I was the only one who attended the funeral other than his family, I was his only friend. They wanted an open casket which made it worse," she said. I looked at her. She kept blinking and was avoiding eye contact. "Liar," I told her. She sighed. "Ok, fine. I just wanted to be friends," she said. "Great first impression," I said sarcastically. I had had enough. I stood on my table. "I bet you all know who I am. And I'd like to say I've had enough! Stop telling me your sorry for my loss- it makes it worse. It makes me remember that she's never coming back! So to everyone who has ever said that and to those who want to say it- don't!" I shouted. I sighed and sat back down. I didn't eat anything. I wanted to go back to her graves but decided against it. The world is dark and cruel. Everything gets destroyed eventually.