3rd book the Devil May Care Series
Remember Lucas King? The suicidal kid who can barely stand to get up in the morning because he's just that tired of life? Lucas has struggled with depression since he was just a kid, always feeling like he was neve...
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My head tilts up at the ceiling as I try to find the energy to leave my bed, I had been hiding in my room all day.
This wasn't good for me, I knew that. I could feel my self drowning in the comfort of my depression. You weren't supposed to find comfort in your depression, it was dangerous to find peace in that but I couldn't help myself.
It was a never ending river that I couldn't pull myself out of, it makes me wish that Azrael hadn't found me that night because I didn't want to be here anymore. I was in so much pain and I didn't even know why anymore, I don't understand why I can't be normal or happy like everyone else.
I use to think it was because of losing my dad because I remember watching him die. I remember begging for him to stop, to wake up and fucking love us again. It doesn't hurt me anymore. Not when I think about how he actually did love us. Not when I think about the family he gave me, a fucked up one but one that loves me. I think it's the fact that I feel lonely even when I'm not, I don't feel understood.
Most of all, I don't feel ...real.
My door swings open and I'm met with LeRoy's dark eyes, watching me with concern pulled tight in his features. "Astraea is downstairs," I instantly sit up and he bites his lip with an unsure expression, "Something is wrong, she looks strung out." He says quietly.
"What do you mean?" I ask, jumping to my feet. "Is she okay?"
He swallows thickly, "I think she's checked out...I don't really know what's wrong with her." My brows furrow, chest tightening with worry before making my way downstairs. My eyes latch onto her immediately, finding her staring at an old picture of all of us when we were a bit younger.
"Hey baby." I murmur softly when I reach her, giving her temple a soft kiss. I frown at her flinch, "What's going on?" I ask quietly, my heart dropping at the way her lips tremble. I take in the way tears fall down her face but her eyes are dead, "Astraea..." I eye the markings on her face, "What happens to your face? Talk to me."
Her eyes analyze my face as if trying to memorize it, "I was a withdrawal baby..." She chokes out, her face twisting with so many emotions that I didn't even know she was capable of. I swallow thickly at the sight of her, she looked so fucking broken. So small. "I've been fighting since I was a fucking a baby Lucas." Her head falls against my chest, sobs racking her body as she tries to hold onto me for dear life but fails and her knees hit the ground.
Immediately, I'm scooping her up into my arms and moving to the living room. I settle down with her on my lap, cradling her as if she were a baby while she shakes in my arms. "I don't want to fight anymore," She cries, "I'm so tired." Hiccups leave her mouth, and my heart breaks at the agony in her voice.
