3rd book the Devil May Care Series
Remember Lucas King? The suicidal kid who can barely stand to get up in the morning because he's just that tired of life? Lucas has struggled with depression since he was just a kid, always feeling like he was neve...
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I can't hear a thing as I stare up into his brown eyes that shift right in front of my face. His demeanor changes and my heart slows, my breathing stalls and suddenly I can't breathe as he pulls away from me.
There's a part of me that wants to scream, get up, shout and put up a fight with him to not leave me but there's also the little girl whose been fighting her whole life that's tired. Numb. I don't have the energy to get up and fight and even if I did, I can't. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I chant and chant over in my head because if I don't, I'll never learn.
Something shakes me but I can't process a thing except for the hurt in my heart. Why did I come here? I came to see if he was okay and he just uses my body as an outlet.
Get up. I try to tell myself. Wipe your tears. Fuck, I wish I could. You look weak. Don't I fucking know it. Put your clothes on. I need a moment. Run. I will. My mind knows what I have to do but my heart isn't getting the message.
"Astraea." Someone is shaking me. Someone is speaking to me. "Astraea!" I feel my head swim with drowsiness as I struggle to breathe. I need my asthma pump, I need something because I really can't breathe. I should struggle, I should move but I just lay there with my eyes wide open and still I don't see a thing until I do.
Something is smiling down at me, it's dark and fucking scary. I feel shivers run down my body, goosebumps breaking out from under my skin. The room gets darker and suddenly it feels like the walls are closing in on me like when I was just a child. It's a trigger I realize. That betrayal I'm feeling is fucking my brain up and I can't do anything but drown in the fear of claustrophobia. The room feels small and I feel stuck.
Trapped in my body with the devil laughing down at me.
You're panicking. I hear his soft voice say, it sounds small. It's pained but knowing. "Calm down." He whispers, "You're not alone." I'm not. I have a family now. I have people who love me. "You're strong." He sounds so sure as he says it, "You'll get through this."
And then my vision clears, and my breathing starts.
I see his eyes again except they're different then before, there looking into mine with much love that I didn't see before. He's not pulling away, no he closer than he's even been and then everything I just felt vanishes. I feel safe again. I inhale deeply as he rests his forehead against mine, "You have me." He whispers against my lips, "I am here with you."
"You won't stay." I croak.
His face twists as if he's the one in pain, "I'm sorry." When I look away again, he catches my face in his hands once more. "Astraea, I won't leave you."
I swallow down the sob in my throat, "I don't trust you anymore." I shake my head, "I don't even really know you." I try pushing him away so I don't have to see the hurt in those eyes.
