3rd book the Devil May Care Series
Remember Lucas King? The suicidal kid who can barely stand to get up in the morning because he's just that tired of life? Lucas has struggled with depression since he was just a kid, always feeling like he was neve...
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a couple of hours earlier...
I scroll through my phone as I walk home, bored after a long day at school. I hadn't been to a tutoring session in three days because the first one almost made me strangle LeRoy from how much stress it put me through but I promised to meet him again tomorrow after Loki practically lectured me like a parent.
I stuff my phone in my pocket, my hands suddenly cold as the wind blows in different directions and I tighten the hoodie over my head. Lucas had offered to bring me home but I didn't feel like waiting until he was done with practice and I hated catching the bus with other people, it put me on edge and made me feel violent.
My eyes roam over the street lazily, shivering as the wind get harsher. I catch sight of woods that I hadn't ever paid attention to until now, I don't bother getting closer-instead I keep walking towards the direction I'm supposed to be going since Jamie made it clear I was supposed to come directly home today. My foster parents had been on my case alot lately after my foster dad-Gabriel had seen the marks on my thigh.
They had suggested a psychologist and I when I had refused, it made them alert. I couldn't do anything without having eyes on me all the time and it fucking sucked. I felt like I was trapped but I didn't want to see a shrink, they'd tell me I was psychotic or suicidal and shove pills down my throat to stop the harmful urges.
When I was thirteen, the shrink I was seeing had diagnosed me with antisocial personality disorder along with psychosis after I had beat a kid my age with a single rock. He had been bullying me and calling me all types of names but he had finally grown a pair and decided to touch me when I lost it. I saw red and made sure I left my mark so the next time he saw me, he'd run for the hills. It wasn't until I had mental breakdown right after and started hearing shit that wasn't real, my brain had tricked me into thinking everyone was trying to hurt me did they actually confirm it.
I had trouble figuring out what was real and what wasn't so instead of confusing myself, I decided everyone in this world was a fucking fake and I was right.
My mind was a dark place but those fucking shrinks and medications made it worse. I felt like I was being trapped, like I couldn't fucking breathe so I started to pretend. I learned to fit in and copy good behavior. I made sure everyone thought I was a perfect little princess instead of the monster that hid under their beds at night. I learned and learned until I perfected it, until nobody saw the crazy but me.
I knew something was wrong with me, I wasn't stupid. I knew at age thirteen, that I shouldn't have been having the urges to set all my classmates on fire. I shouldn't have had urges to hurt myself in order to feel something, I was defective.
Maybe that's why my parents didn't want me.
I pause on my feet when a loud cry reaches my ears. My brows furrow in confusion, eyes finding those woods again when I hear it again. Goosebumps rise along the skin of my arms as I cross the street without hesitation, maybe it wasn't the smartest idea but what if someone needed help? I wasn't a complete monster, some of my heart was still there and it cared despite not wanting too.
