You are my home

Monday December 25, 2006

Valerie

Rose and I spent today with my mother. It was really super fun. Normally I don't feel like going home, but now I couldn't wait. I told Melissa that she could stay at my house today. It was bad enough that I had to leave her alone. No one really should be alone at Christmas and I am therefore glad that Rose and I will spend the whole day with Melissa tomorrow. What I also really liked is that I could now just have contact with Melissa in between. We texted back and forth all day long.

As soon as Rose and I get home, Rose immediately runs to the living room. When I enter the living room not much later I see that she is already sitting on Melissa's lap. I think my daughter loves Melissa at least as much as I am. "You don't want to say that you've been busy with school all day?". I ask when I see the textbooks on the coffee table and couch. Melissa nods. I sigh because this is not a way to spend Christmas. "Has mine nerd eaten something today?". I ask as I tidy up her books. When I don't get an answer I look up and see a blushing Melissa. Okay maybe I shouldn't have called her mine, but she doesn't seem to mind. Melissa shakes her head. "Melissa it's already half past eight. I'll prepare something for you soon. In that time you can still watch a little movie together with Rose and then I have to put Rose to bed". Melissa sighs. " Val, you really don't have to. I'll grab a sandwich." I shake my head. "I'm making something warm for you and I don't want a discussion". She gives me a small nod, because she knows there's no point in arguing. "Should I try to put your princess to bed? I know she's usually been in there for a long time." I look at her with a smile. "You can see if you can do it". I sit next to them on the couch. "Sweetheart, is it okay if Lissa puts you to bed today?" I see a smile appear on my daughter's sleepy face. I kiss her on the head. " Sleep well, sweetheart. Mama loves you very much". "Rose loves mommy too". Can she just say softly. I look up to Melissa. She is looking at us with a beautiful look in her eyes. We look at each other for a while without saying anything. It seems that Melissa's face is getting closer and closer. I just don't know which of the two is moving or maybe we both are. " I'm tired". As soon as we hear Rose's voice, Melissa doesn't know how quickly to get up with her in her arms. Without saying a word, she goes upstairs with Rose.

I'm making some pasta for Melissa. My head is at a few minutes ago. I really wonder if I was imagining it or if we actually had a moment. Anyway, I'm glad Rose said something. Nothing can ever happen between Melissa and me. "It smells nice in here". Startled, I turn to Melissa. "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you." I give her a small smile. "Did it work?". She nods and sits down at the dining table. "She slept before I even got to the second page of the story." Rose must have been really tired. In fact, no one except me manages to get Rose into bed. Although I am not surprised that Melissa succeeded. Those two have a special bond. Rose is quite shy, also towards my family, but with Melissa it's a different story. "Valerie?" I look questioningly at Melissa when I hear that said a bit uncertainly. She shakes her head. " Never mind". I give her a small smile. "What is it, Lis?". She sighs. " Nothing". I can now insist that she is going to tell me what's going on, but I know it's no use. So I turn to the gas stove to finish her dinner.

After Melissa had finished the food, we sat down on the couch. "Shall we put on a movie?". She shakes her head and snuggles close to me. "Can we just put on some music?" I give her a kiss on the head and then turn on some music in the background. In a pleasant silence we listen to the music. Meanwhile I gently caress her arm. " What have you done today?". Melissa asks softly after a while, as if she doesn't want to disturb the quiet moment. "Played board games and talk, as always. Most of all laughed a lot". Melissa takes my hand that's on my lap and starts playing with my fingers. "We always played board games at Christmas. Which of course always ended in a fight between Fenna and me". she says with a smile. I'm a bit surprised to hear that. It is the first time that she tells something about her family. "I recognize that from Chloe and me. Nowadays things are a bit cozier." Melissa looks at me with a small smile, but also see the tears in her eyes. "Do you have any more traditions for Christmas?". I shake my head. "we always baked cookies that you could eat for a year." Melissa snuggles closer to me. " We always did that too. We also always made a decoration for the following year to hang on the tree. I don't think that Fenna and I have ever been so serious about anything else, because it had to be perfect of course." I kiss her on the head. "Shall we do that tomorrow?" I ask a bit unsure. Melissa turns her head something and looks at me with tears in her eyes. "I understand if it brings back too many memories and you don't want it." She nods. "I think it would be fun to do with you." Then she lets me and sits away from me." Do you mind if I just want to be alone for a while?" I shake my head. " Of course not. I'm actually ready for my bed. You know you can always come to me if you need me." She nods. " Thank you". I give her a small smile. "Thank you for sharing this with me and sleep well". I give her a kiss on her forehead. Then I get up to give her the space she needs right now.

I think Boxing Day was the best Christmas Day I've ever had. After all three of us slept in, we had a delicious, extensive breakfast. Then we worked on the decorations. Melissa wasn't lying when she said it was a serious thing. I've never seen her so focused. Really everything had to be perfect and it has become that. I also know what will definitely be hanging on the tree next year. Melissa couldn't prevent her from having some tears now and then, but after a hug or a pat on the head, they were gone too. She also told me some more beautiful stories about her and Fenna. I'm really happy that she can finally talk to me about it. I can see in her that she is relieved to talk about it. We also baked some cookies and danced and sang a lot to Christmas music. After that, Melissa and I prepared a delicious Christmas dinner together. The highlight of the day was when Rose got to do Melissa's make-up. I laughed to tears at the way she looked. A clown would have been jealous of it. At least I got some great photos. I know it's never possible, but how I wish I could spend every Christmas like this.