You are my home

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Valerie

After what Melissa told me during breakfast I really needed some time for myself. The fact that I feel like home to her makes me so happy. It does make it even harder to hold back. I also had to think for a while. There's something she doesn't know about me. Something no one knows outside of my family. It's also something I definitely don't want to flaunt. After Melissa indicated that she don't feel comfortable that I spend so much money on her, which I understand, maybe I should inform her too. I've been thinking for a long time if this is the right time. I don't want her to look at me differently once she knows.

I spent some time on the phone with Chloe to talk to her about it and get her opinion. Then I enjoyed a nice long hot shower. I'm looking for Melissa now. I eventually find her outside, sitting on the porch swing. "Can I join you?". She gives me a nod. " What is?". I ask if we've been sitting in silence for a few minutes and I can feel some tension . "I-I didn't scare you away from me by saying that?" I wrap my arms around her and kiss her on the head. " Of course not. What makes you think that?". Melissa shrugs. "It seemed like you didn't know how fast you had to run away". I grab her face with both hands. I rest my forehead against hers and look deep into Melissa's eyes. "Yeah, okay, maybe I ran away. That was because I couldn't hold back otherwise. Melissa, you don't want to know how happy you made me saying that." A beautiful smile appears on her face. "That I feel like your home is something I could only dream of". Melissa's hand goes to my face and with her thumb she gently wipes a tear away from my face. I then really have to turn away from her so as not to do anything wrong.

I grab Melissa's hands and start playing nervously with her fingers. "You seem tense." I look at Melissa with a small smile when she says that softly. "So am I". I say sighing. "Should I be concerned?". I shake my head. "I want to talk to you about something, but I'm not sure how you're going to handle it." She looks at me questioningly. "There's something you don't know about me." I can see that she really doesn't get it at all. "Are you sure I don't have to worry?" she asks nervously. I nod with a smile on my face. I let go of her hands and pull something out of my pocket. Then I hand the paper to Melissa. She's looking closely. I see her eyes widen and then she looks at me. " What is this?". I give her a small smile. "My bank statement". Melissa looks at me in disbelief. Then she looks back at the paper in her hands. It says I own nearly twenty million. She shakes her head. "Valerie, you are joking". I grab her hands. "Melissa I'm not joking." She looks at our hands for a while and then looks at me. "I-I don't get it". I look at her with a smile. "My father had a lot of money. Love he did not know. He thought everything could be bought with money. Perhaps he was partly right about that. Look at my marriage to Sander. He gave Sander's family and me a lot of money for that. And no, I didn't do it for the money. I didn't really have any other choice at the time. Of course I later had the choice to end my marriage earlier. I really wanted to give up my bank account without thinking about it, but somehow I couldn't do it to my dad. I really hadn't had it that bad. In a sense, I could do whatever I wanted. I was able to do my education that I wanted. I've always been able to make music. I have a job that I really enjoy. And most importantly, I have a beautiful daughter. Of course, I couldn't be who I really was. That didn't really matter to me. As long as I could do what I like and later have Rose with me, it was enough for me. But then I met you". Melissa looks at me with a sweet smile. "That was the first time in all those years that I didn't know what to do. Regardless of the fact that you're so young and I'm teaching you, things could never work out between us as long as I was married. I even had a conversation with my father about whether there was a possibility to get rid of my marriage. There was an option, he said. The divorce would cost me all my money. I would have been really happy with that, to even have a small chance with you". Melissa kisses my forehead. "That chance was not that small". she says with a wink. "Yeah, I'm know that now to". Melissa keeps looking deep into my eyes. "There was more you should have given up, wasn't there?". I nod and feel my tears burn. "H-He would have done everything he could to take Rose away from me". As soon as I say that, Melissa grabs me tightly.

I don't know how long I cried until I calm down a bit. The whole time Melissa held me tight in her arms and whispered the sweetest words to me. "My father just didn't want me to be happy". Melissa kisses my forehead. "I'm going to do everything I can to make you happy". she whispers. I rest my forehead against hers. "You already make me happy". What a put beautiful smile on Melissa's face. I lie down and put my head on Melissa's lap. She gently runs her hands through my hair and looks at me sweetly. "So after his death you could get a divorce without any problems?". I shrug. "My mother helped me. She knew a contract that I signed at the time, when I was eighteen. She tore it up and she also entered into a conversation with Sander and his family. In the end, they agreed to a big amount of money." Melissa shakes her head. "Is that really the most important thing people can think about?". I nod. "Apparently some people do, unfortunately. I really would have given up all my money without thinking to be with you". Melissa looks at me in disbelief. " Are you serious?". I take her hand. I bring it to my mouth and kiss it. "Yes, Melissa, I really mean that. What you make me feel is worth so much more to me than all that money." She continues to stare at me for a moment and I see her eyes water. When she can't seem to keep it dry anymore, she stares at the sky. She is playing with my hair and quietly moves the porch swing. "Are you scared that I would do that for you?". I ask a bit unsure.

She shakes her head. "I-I just don't know how to react to it. And I can't even kiss you." I smile. "Then you also know how I felt just now". She looks at me with a quick smile and then stares at the sky again. "Why did you tell me this?". she asks after minutes of silence. " I mean. Why did you show me your bank account? I really don't feel more or less for you just because you happen to have some money". I was already afraid of this. "Melissa look at me". It takes a moment for her to look at me. I can't really read her look. "I don't want you to think I'm trying to buy your love." She shakes her head. "I don't think so either. If you had, you would have told me sooner. Why are you telling me now?" I sigh. "It should have happened at some point. No one except my family knows this. I don't want to keep anything from you and that's why I told you now. After our conversation over breakfast, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I totally understand that you don't feel comfortable with me spending so much money on you. But I want you to know that I do it out of love. Yes, okay, I can easily miss it, but even if I had almost nothing, I would. In smaller sizes, but still. Of course if you say that you still want to keep working and earn your own money, then you really have to do that. But you must also try to understand me. It will be a tough and busy school year. I want you to be able to fully focus on that. I'm afraid you're going to blow yourself up if you go to work in addition to school. I want to help you Melissa, because I...". My eyes widen. Melissa looks at me questioningly. " Because you?". I shake my head. I can't tell her what I wanted to say. " I just want to help you finish school this year without extra stress. We'll see after that, but please allow me to do that. I promise I will discuss it with you if I want to buy something for you and if you need anything you just have to ask me. And if you don't want to ask, let me pay you to babysit Rose". She shakes her head hard. "When I look after Rose, I don't do it because it's work, but because I want to do it. I refuse to be paid for that." she says fiercely. I can't help but put a smile on my face. " Okay clear. And the rest?". She sighs. "I don't know, Val. It's all quite overwhelming. I need to think about it first." I nod understandingly. "Take as long as you need".