You are my home

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Melissa

I didn't have much contact with Valerie for the rest of the week. She keeps trying to bring up her proposal, but I have to think it through for myself. Fortunately, she knows how I am and therefore leaves me alone as much as possible. I've been thinking about what to do all week. Of course it would be a good solution to live with her, even if only temporarily. But I would only make it harder for myself. My feelings for Valerie are getting stronger. I don't want to get her in trouble. I don't think I can do it to Rose either. I don't want her to get so attached to me if I were there and then leave. I haven't found anything else yet and I really don't know what to do. I don't really like being on the street all day and then also having to sleep there. I startle when my shoes are thrown on the couch with me. "Let's go for a walk. You've been here since we got home." Emma is all ready to go in the doorway. It's Thursday evening and I haven't gotten off the couch since we got out of school. I've been thinking about what to do all day and I'm still not one step further.

We've been walking for at least half an hour. Not much is said. I know Emma is worried about me, but she doesn't want to show it. So that topic is avoid. I also have the feeling that something else is bothering her, but every time I ask if there is something she says there is nothing wrong. That is why we mainly talk about stupid and useless subjects. "What are you doing then? ". I ask as she walks towards the front door of a house in the woods. "We are going to visit someone". she says with a nervous smile. " Come on in ". I now totally understand why she had that nervous smile. We are apparently in front of Valerie's house. I walk further into the woods. Emma comes after me. " Melissa, for once, don't be so stubborn and come inside. At least listen to her proposal". Sighing, I walk with her. As soon as I'm inside and the front door is closed, Valerie gives me a hug. I can't help but hold her tight too. "I'll give you a tour. Don't mind the mess. I've only lived here for three weeks, so I'm still busy unpacking." She says when she lets go of me after a while.

Emma and I follow Valerie. She first shows us everything downstairs and then we go upstairs. There she shows us her and Rose's bedrooms and bathroom. Then she walks to the next door and opens it. " This room is still left. A nice bedroom can be made of that". she says when she looks at me. I sigh and see Valerie nod in understanding.

The three of us sat down in the living room with a cup of tea. Emma is sitting on the chair and Valerie and I are sitting next to each other on the couch. "Melissa would you please listen to my proposal? ". Valerie breaks the silence after his ten minutes. Sighing, I nod. "If you move in here, it could solve a problem for both of us." I look at her questioningly. "What kind of problem does that solve for you? ". She gives me a smile. "I am looking for a babysitter for Rose. She's going to school in a while. After-school care is until three o'clock, but I often finish later. It would be ideal for me and for Rose if she could just be picked up on time and then go home." I sigh. "That's not going to work. I work three days a week. Then I'll be done late too ". "I pay you for babysitting. I pay you better than what you get for cleaning". I shake my head hard. "No Valerie. I can't take that. You already want to give me shelter and then start paying me. My problem is not your problem". I get up angry. Mainly angry at myself. That I burden others with my problem.

Emma also gets up and grabs my shoulders and looks at me irritated. "Now sit down again. Your problem is our problem. We care about you and are concerned. We don't want you wandering around again and we don't know where you are when you're not at school. Whether you are safe. And look at yourself. You don't have an ounce of fat left on your body." I burst into tears. It never occurred to me that they care so much about me. Emma immediately grabs me tightly and I notice her tears too. "Sorry to do this to you". I say softly. "It's all right. Now just sit down again and we'll find a solution." I nod and release her. We wipe away our tears.

Those tears are back soon when I see Valerie's face. I sit down next to her and give her a hug. " Sorry ". I whisper in her ear. We let go and look at each other for a while. I wipe her tears and she does the same to me. "Please take advantage of my proposal". I shake my head. "Sorry I can't do that". Valerie sighs. " Why not? ". I turn around and rest my head on the back of the couch. I stare at the ceiling. "If you're looking for me, I'll be in the kitchen." I hear Emma say it and not much later a door closes.

It's been five minutes of silence when Valerie takes my hand. "Lis please talk to me". I turn my head slightly to look at her. If I stay quiet, Valerie moves closer to me and rests her head against the backrest as well. We stare at each other for a while. "I don't want to get you in trouble". I say sighing. " You do not do that ". I put my hand to her face. I pull some hair from her face and tuck it behind her ear. I rest my hand there and gently caress her cheek with my thumb. Which puts a smile on her face. " I'll do that. I've got feelings for you and I think they're only going to get stronger if I moved in here." Valerie's smile only gets bigger. " What? ". I ask if it stays quiet. " You are not the only one with those feelings Melissa ". I look at her with wide eyes. She starts to laugh nervously. "Wasn't that clear to you yet? ". I shake my head. "I really like you a lot, Melissa. You impressed me from our very first conversation. My feeling for you has quickly become more than a friendship". I can feel my smile getting bigger, but actually this is not good at all. "Then we shouldn't do it at all. It's way too dangerous". Valerie comes forward and kisses my forehead, then puts her head back. " It'll be fine. I promise. Let's just see how it goes. We can try to just keep it friendly at first. Because honestly the only thing that scares me a little is that you're still a minor. The rest I don't worry too much about. I know you would never get me in trouble". I start laughing a bit. "I am only a minor for three months". She nods. " I know that. So then we have to see at least that we keep it friendly for at least three months". I sigh. "I don't know if I can. Especially now that I know you feel the same way and we're going to live together." Valerie has a big smile on her face and wraps her arms around me.

She falls backwards, so that I am now on top of her. " We're going to live together... so that means you're moving in here? ". I shrug. " Val I really don't know if that is wise". She grips me even tighter. " Please Lis, you don't have any other choice ". I sigh and look at her. "Okay I'll do it, but on condition that you kick me out if I get you in trouble". She nods. I lay my head on her chest and we lay like that for a while.

I feel Valerie's hand go under my shirt. She slowly starts to caress my back. That's its nice and relaxing feeling. "By the way, I thought we'd keep it friendly. Look at how we're doing." Valerie smiles. "This way you can lie as friends". I look at her with a smile. " Is that right? ". She nods. "Friends can hug and hold each other. We spend every weekend on the couch together. Okay maybe a little less intimate, but still. As long as there is no kissing". I smile and shake my head and lie down a bit more. "I don't know how long I can keep that up". Say I whisper. "No I don't either, but we can at least try to keep it up for three months". I nod and enjoy how we are now.

We've been like this for half an hour. I feel my eyes getting heavier. Valerie is still stroking my back and I think it's getting harder and harder for her to stay awake too. "Looks like you are done talking". We are both shocked by a smiling Emma. "Sorry. Completely forgot to call you". Comes out half sleepy at Valerie. " Do not worry. I was busy wachting Netflix. I'm just going home. Mel are you coming or are you already staying here? ". I look at her with a smile. " Why already? Who says I'm moving in here". Emma starts laughing loudly. "You can tell me a lot, but when I see you lying like this, it says more than enough." I nod. "I'm going with you in a minute". I look at Valerie. " From when am I welcome? ". She shrugs. "Yesterday". She looks at me with a smile. " There is no bed yet, but if you want you can sleep on the couch ". We keep staring at each other for a while. I'm debating with myself what to do. I'm lying pretty good at the moment and don't feel like getting up yet. Emma suddenly stands next to us and puts a blanket over us. Then she gives us both a kiss on the head. "I'm off. I'll take your school supplies tomorrow. Sleep well ladies". I put my head back on Valerie's chest. "See you tomorrow Em. Thanks for everything. Be careful on the way home." She nods. "Jack is already waiting outside and you're welcome. You know that right. I will see you tomorrow ". With that said, she leaves.

"I think I'll sleep on the couch tonight too." I smile. " Are you sure? I think your bed is more comfortable, though." I feel Valerie shaking her head. "I haven't been lying down so well in ages and I don't have the energy to get up anymore either". I raise my head and look at her with a smile. "Sleep well Val". She kisses me on my forehead. "Sleep well Lis". We both turn a bit so that we are really comfortable and it doesn't take long before I fall asleep.