You are my home

Friday, November 2, 2007

Valerie

After more than two hours of driving we arrived at Anne's beach house. Luckily we all finished early today. I'm really looking forward to it too. I just really wonder what's up with Melissa. She's been really quiet since yesterday, but I haven't really had time to talk to her yet. When I finally got home last night she was already asleep. This morning she didn't say much more than good morning. "We do have a problem. There are only three bedrooms here." Anne says as soon as we're inside. "I'll sleep on the couch." I look at Melissa. "Lis". She gives me a small smile. Which she has to work hard for. " It's okay. I'm used to it. I can sleep well on a couch and this couch looks comfortable". I shake my head, but I still know there's no point in going into it. "Val, shall we go shopping? Then Melissa and Emma can take a look around and unpack their things". I give Anne a nod. "Okay, we'll be back in half an hour." She reports Melissa and Emma.

As soon as Anne and I are in the car, Anne looks at me. "Melissa doesn't seem to feel like it that much". I sigh. "I don't know what's going on. I'll go and talk to her soon." Meanwhile, Anne sets the car in motion. "Is it because of yesterday?". I look questioningly at Anne. " What do you mean?". She looks at me a bit startled. "Um. Didn't she tell you about Rose's teacher?". I shake my head. "What's wrong with Rose's teacher?" She shrugs. "I had to cover her class for the first hour yesterday. I noticed that she was rather absent. After class I asked what was wrong. She didn't say much, but she did say that she had a bad feeling about Rose's teacher". Melissa didn't tell me about this. "Thank you for telling me. I'll talk to her about it later." Then I turn on the radio. Anne and I both start to sing along loudly with the songs. We used to do this all the time. It was our way of not thinking about anything for a while.

By the time Anne and I get back to the cottage it is already dark. We put the groceries in the kitchen. "I'll help you unpack." It's Emma walking towards us. "Where is Melissa?". Emma points outside. " There somewhere. She went right outside when you left. I know what you want to ask, but no, I have no idea what's wrong with her." I give Emma a small smile. That's what I really wanted to ask her. "Do you need my help here?". Anne shakes her head. "Go see where she is. I'll put the pizzas in the oven in a minute. Shall I light the fire pit outside?" I nod. "You know you won't get me inside later then." At which Anne starts to laugh. I don't know what it is with me and fire. But once you put me down by a nice warm fire, it's hard to get me out of there. Especially when it is dark and you can endlessly look at the stars. "But now go and see where Melissa has gone". I nod and don't know how fast to get out.

After walking a short distance on the beach, I see Melissa standing at the water's edge a little further on. I walk towards her. When I get to her I stand behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. "So here you are." I say softly as I rest my chin on her shoulder. She lays her head against mine and it seems as if she sighs with relief. "Melissa what's wrong with you?". She shrugs. "Are you up for this weekend?". She shrugs again. "It's nice here, isn't it?" I nod. "That's right, but you're avoid my question." She sighs. She lays her head against my shoulder so she can look at the stars. She slowly starts to move back and forth. "Honey please talk to me." She turns in my arms. She rests her head on my neck and hugs me tightly. " I find it difficult". she says softly after a few minutes. "What do you find difficult?". She looks at me and I see tears in her eyes. "What are we?". I look at her questioningly. " How do you mean?". She sighs and pulls away from my arms. " Never mind". she says as she walks away. I follow her. " No never mind. What's wrong Melissa?". I say as soon as I grab her from behind. She turns and now her tears are streaming down her cheeks. " We". She says as she moves a finger back and forth between us. "Are we just friends or what are we?". I really wonder where this came from all of a sudden. I grab her face with both hands. "I hope you know that you are much more than just a friend to me". She closes her eyes and I see more tears coming. I try to brush them off with my thumbs. "Melissa where did this suddenly come from?". I ask softly. She shrugs. "Do you want me to ask you officially if you want to be my girlfriend?". Her eyes open and a tiny smile appears on her face. "Do you want me to be your girlfriend?" I give her a kiss on her forehead. "Honey, don't be silly. Of course I want that. I'm sorry but I actually thought we were girlfriends already. I don't really know how things work these days. I'm getting a little old, you know" Fortunately, her smile is getting a little bigger. "But just to make sure. Melissa I really really like you, you are amazing. You not only complete my life, but also Rose's. Will you please be my girlfriend?" She nods, but it doesn't really make her look happier.

"You don't seem very convinced." She sighs. " That's not it". she says softly. "Then please tell me what it is." Melissa steps away from me. She sits down in the sand and taps the ground behind her. I know that she wants to talk, but finds it difficult. If I sit behind her so she doesn't have to look at me. I wrap my arms around her waist. Immediately she leans all the way into me. "You didn't have to ask me, because to me you were already my girlfriend. It felt good though. Nothing else changes. I just find the whole situation difficult. That makes me start doubting who we are." I kiss her on her temple. "It is also a difficult situation. I also wish it were different. But please never doubt how I feel about you." She shakes her head. "I don't either. I just don't quite know what to do. Yesterday Rose' teacher asked if I was the babysitter. I had no idea how to respond to that. I could not say, no, I'm her mothers girlfriend. She was also looking at me so strangely and keeping an eye on me." I'm starting to understand why Melissa is so down. " Sorry about that. I think Sander gets along pretty well with her. Perhaps he has said something about you and is trying to find out what's between us". Melissa takes one of my hands and starts playing with my fingers. "Are you even more bothered?" She shrugs. " So yes?". She sighs. "I don't know how to behave this weekend". I kiss her on her temple. "How do you want to behave this weekend?". She shrugs. "As your girlfriend". Comes out to her very softly and uncertainly. "Then you do that". I whisper in her ear. She turns her face and looks at me. " Real?". I nod. "What about Anne?". I lean my head against hers and hug her tighter. "Then Anne will find out ". Melissa turns to sit on my lap and get a good look at me. "Are you sure, Valerie? What if she disapproves and you get in trouble?" I put my hands on her lower back and pull her closer to me. "Lis, I trust her. She is here herself now with Emma". Melissa puts her forehead against mine. "She has told Emma that she is a little against it that Emma is a student at her school. And officially Emma is with me". I give her a small smile. " If Anne hadn't wanted Emma there, she wouldn't have suggested it. I can understand her saying that, but that doesn't mean she disapproves. Do you trust me?" She nods. "Then trust me when I say that Anne can be trusted". She nods again. "Is there anything else?". She shakes her head. "Okay and otherwise I'd like to hear it. I think it's time to go back now. The pizza will be ready by now." Melissa stands up immediately. "You should have said right away that we were going to eat pizza". Smiling, I shake my head. Melissa holds out her hand to help me get up. Hand in hand we walk back to the house. I'm glad we were able to discuss this and now the weekend can really start.